I’m Legally Awesome
A few years ago, I decided to legally change my middle name. I didn’t know what it was going to be, but then, in the meantime, an awesome idea occurred to me! My middle name is now legally different. And…
The range of exercises
I’ve been thinking about working out a lot, recently. Maybe it’s because I’m pushing 40 and tired of being out of shape.1 Call it CREFTS: I think there is a kind of exercise everyone can grow to like. I, for…
The tragedy of a forgotten friend
When I was nine or ten, I read Animorphs… a lot. I was active on the message boards and even tried to write my own story.1 One of the posters became an online friend of mine, AniJB.2 She hacked my…
Calling all freaders!
Where are you? Was it something I did? Was it when I looked at you funny? Or when I didn’t update regularly for 15 years? Or that I’m just a sentient grape??1 Well, now that Twitter is over and social…
!00!!!
Oh, shit. Last year of my 30’s. Gotta live it up! 38 was maybe my favorite year ever. Hoping 39 isn’t too far off! Today, I just played games with three friends, Freddy, Syd, and Alexandra. A bunch of people…
Giving the third degree
People brag about how much more intuitive their particular systems of measurement are. For example, Americans will brag about how Fahrenheit is more intuitive: 0-100 degrees capture most outside temperatures (the actual extreme records are -128° to 134°, but those…
Why don’t more zombies have back pain?
Why don’t more zombies have back pain?
Acceptance and Surprise
A good interlocutor should have the twin virtues of: Acceptance: not challenging you in ways you don’t need or want Surprise: challenging you in ways you need or want That is: they should accept you as you are and not…
I wanna see a putting the team back together montage, but it turns out that everyone but the main character have been hanging out the entire time
I wanna see a putting the team back together montage, but it turns out that everyone but the main character have been hanging out the entire time
The Political Mixer
So I’m watching Jon Haidt1 and Joshua Knobe at Blogging Heads. All of a sudden I hear Haidt, who I generally agree with on everything,2 say something I’ve come to conclude is a half-thought out idea. He eventually comes around…
You Can’t Make Old Friends
I talk and text with my middle school friends to this day. Some of us are going to Iceland on a group trip soon. If I’m honest, I do more texting than they do. We slowly text less and less…
I’m being held hostage.
I’m being held hostage. But it’s nice. I like being held.
In lord of the rings, when Gandalf says, “fly, you fools!” Do you think he meant that they should take the eagles? Maybe he was just taking them to the airport, but they didn’t realize it
In lord of the rings, when Gandalf says, “fly, you fools!” Do you think he meant that they should take the eagles? Maybe he was just taking them to the airport, but they didn’t realize it
I’m gonna start a Malaysian restaurant and just serve Mexican food.
I’m gonna start a Malaysian restaurant and just serve Mexican food. People will say it’s not Asian food and I’ll say, “dije que era mala!” and just give them a free gordita.
Our last tear
I forgot my ex-fiancée’s hairstyle. I realized that while high, camping alone in Wyoming. I had to look it up, but the thought made me cry. I think about her daily, sometimes with nostalgia, sometimes with sadness or guilt, sometimes…
A good safe word is just calling out the wrong name
A good safe word is just calling out the wrong name
Things I know at 31 that I wish I’d known at 21.
Things I know at 31 that I wish I’d known at 21. A short th read: 1) the peak of the market 2) the ideas that won Nobel prizes 3) that she was into me 4) French 5) how Game…
Someone should make an edition of lord of the rings consisting only of the poems, hobbits, and Tom Bombadil.
Someone should make an edition of lord of the rings consisting only of the poems, hobbits, and Tom Bombadil. So I have something to ignore
I’m the Mr.
I’m the Mr. Magoo of humor
Ten Sunrises
My uncle once said, “how many more times am I going to see you? Ten?” I’d never considered the finitude of that relationship. Within a few years, his brother, another uncle of mine, died. He was 54. I saw him…
Had the awful realization that I don’t remember how my ex-fiancée styled her hair.
Had the awful realization that I don’t remember how my ex-fiancée styled her hair.
Central time.
Central time. Pfft! More like Off Central time
My chess score has dropped 200 points on this road trip.
My chess score has dropped 200 points on this road trip. That’s a warning kids: don’t play chess and drive. Tweet instead.
So far, North Dakota lives up to the low-pe
So far, North Dakota lives up to the low-pe
Well, the plan WAS abortion.
Scott Olson, “State school undergrad will cost over $200,000 for newborns today. What’s your plan?” Well, the plan WAS abortion..
Wordle 304.
Wordle 304. X/6* ? ?? ??? ???? ???? Oh, I done forgot the rules again. 200 win streak broken!
You couldn’t PAY me enough to work for minimum wage
You couldn’t PAY me enough to work for minimum wage
“It’s not Ukraine, it’s WEkraine,” Putin, probably
“It’s not Ukraine, it’s WEkraine,” Putin, probably
Buy my game! https://t.
Buy my game!
The Power Rangers’ colors were really a marketing decision.
The Power Rangers’ colors were really a marketing decision. Can you imagine if the colors they were assigned were Cerulean, Navy, Aquamarine, Turquoise, and Brown?
My pronouns are I/my.
My pronouns are I
I always want to think I’m open to adventure, but then my roommate tries to get me to join an MLM or a homeless lady tries to sell me stolen target goods and I just.
I always want to think I’m open to adventure, but then my roommate tries to get me to join an MLM or a homeless lady tries to sell me stolen target goods and I just.. don’t.
Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist is just a musical version of Twilight.
Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist is just a musical version of Twilight. Zoe is Bella, Max is Edward, and Simon is the other one.. I forget his name. Grobblo?
The best revenge is living a good life.
The best revenge is living a good life. Which is how you know I’m not a vengeful person.
Who made prostitution illegal and didn’t call it a thot crime?
Who made prostitution illegal and didn’t call it a thot crime?
Feels like suicide attempts are implicit DNRs
Feels like suicide attempts are implicit DNRs
You think I’m heartbroken, you should see the OTHER guy!
You think I’m heartbroken, you should see the OTHER guy!
Sleep advice: get up and walk around for a bit if you can’t fall asleep within the first six hours of laying in bed.
Sleep advice: get up and walk around for a bit if you can’t fall asleep within the first six hours of laying in bed.
Knuckle tattoos that say “Lorem ipsum”
Knuckle tattoos that say “Lorem ipsum”
If I had a time machine, I would have a hard time killing a baby unless I knew for SURE it was going to grow up to be a hipster.
If I had a time machine, I would have a hard time killing a baby unless I knew for SURE it was going to grow up to be a hipster.
I hate going to weddings.
I hate going to weddings. It’s an expensive way to spend time with your friends’ friends. And your friends don’t have good taste in friends… by definition
My Twitter account is old enough to steal alcohol now! https://t.
13! My Twitter account is old enough to steal alcohol now!
Canadians have a dozen ways to say “snow,” no ways to say “no”
Canadians have a dozen ways to say “snow,” no ways to say “no”
1: where do you see yourself in five years? 2: best case scenario? Dead.
1: where do you see yourself in five years? 2: best case scenario? Dead. Worst case scenario? Dying
So is the microchip in the first or the second dose? Half & half?
So is the microchip in the first or the second dose? Half & half?