Nice Guys Screw Themselves

She calls you up late at night complaining about the latest jerk thing her assenine boyfriend did to her. You’re busy and you can’t use your phone for very much longer, but you stay on the line and listen because she’s crying, she came to you, and you’re a nice guy, damn it! If he’s not going to be there for her, you might as well be!

Stop. You’re an idiot.

When she hangs up, she’s going to be glad she has a friend like you. She’ll stop being angry at her boyfriend and take this newfound information (your perspective) and use it to reinforce her relationship. The guy, on the other hand, will have no clue, the next time she talks to him, it’ll come out of left field because he hadn’t been thinking about it like she has. She will surprise him, and no matter what you said (even if you gave her bad advice, you sly, jerk of a bastard devil, you), she will alter it to help her work on her relationship.

But the guy, because he has no clue, will not help, and the relationship will drag on longer in the same rut, which will cause more late-night phone calls.

The relationship is screwed. By doing ‘troubles’ talk outside of the relationship, she’s getting the fulfillment in her life from someone other than her mate, so she won’t tell him her problems or complain (why should she, she has you), and he’ll still be the same jerk. But eventually, she’ll realize that her mate is lacking in ‘something’ and she’ll call you again, because it’s ‘worked’ in the past.

You, meanwhile, will rack up the minutes, headaches, and sleepless nights without getting any(thing) in return.

She’s coming to you because she has problems. You’re helping her because you want to help her not have problems any longer, but you’re really just making the relationship last longer (in an F’ed up state). Nobody wins. Everybody thinks they win, but two months later they’re back in the same spot.

Trust me.

So the next time a girl calls to complain that men are assholes, just hang up on her. You’ll be doing her a favor.

About Pixel

Pixel Q. Styx refuses to talk about himself. If thou wishest, thou may infer from his blog what thou wishest.

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2 Responses to Nice Guys Screw Themselves

  1. Breakerslion says:

    Strange dude, and I mean that as a compliment. Imagine my surprise to leapfrog through my favorite blogs and find a post from someone who read Ender’s Game and put it first on the list of favorites. You are unususally wise for one your age regarding “female troubles” as well. There is something to be said for the crude approach. Next time, try “I’d love to help you out! How about you come over and give me a blowjob and then we can discuss it over coffee?” She’ll either hang up, or you’ll get lucky. No down side. If she’s a friend, you can always explain later that since you were going to be discussing her relationship, you thought you should be involved.

    Can you tell I’m a Lenny Bruce fan?

  2. moof says:

    LOL @ breakerslion… bang on.

    So how about this one:

    He tells you he loves you. Whenever he needs something, he comes to you. He says you’re the only one who understands him – who really knows him; one of the few people in whom he can confide. He says he always feels better when he talks to you – how you make him smile. In turn, you feel a connectino with him: you feel like he might be something like what books and movies and all that bullshit call a “soulmate”, but it’s even better than that – it’s something more honest and pure and not so contrived like the movies make it.

    But he feels nothing towards you, or at least, can’t admit it or see it… and he’s too selfish to realize he’s hurting you… and you love him too much to let him go all together.

    These are the stories of two good guys – neither who can see that their “friend” is probably a little bit more than that…

    Shit man… BREAK THEM UP… :p

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