Goodie Grab Bag II

(Humor knows only the bounds of this little black book)

1: I’ve seen an opera.
2: Did you like it?
1: Sort of. I kept expecting a fat lady, though.
2: There was no fat lady?
1: No, all of the singers were medium-weight.
2: Then how did you know it was over?

It’s colder than the vagina monologues

1: What’s your name?
2: Kathleen.
1: Kathleen what?
2: No, just Kathleen.

Quick-fire comebacks:
1: I’m dating myself
2: Nobody else would have you, eh?
3: Well, someone had to do it.
4: Bring two condoms, I hear you’re a slut.
5: I haven’t dated myself in a while, it’s cheaper just to pay for sex.
6: Oh, come on! You could do better than yourself!
2: Yeah, but he can’t.
6: Good point.

I never commit to anything… that is, I usually don’t commit to anything.

2: Just once, I want to see an elimination movie where I don’t know who’s going to survive at the end.
1: Yeah. Like the black guy.
2: Whoa, whoa, whoa. The world’s not ready for a black guy to survive a whole movie.

1: Are you okay? You seem depressed.
2: You’re projecting your emotions onto me. It’s okay, everyone does it.
1: Oh.
2: Are you coming on to me?

1: I suck at surfing. I suck at all sports, really
2: Why?
1: I kept falling.
2: Well, as long as you don’t suck at skydiving.

I can stand on a surfboard, just not in water.

1: What math are you in?
2: 4.
1: Ha! So am I!

2: Aren’t there any other positions we could be in?
1: Are you coming on to me?
2: Not yet, no.

2: I tried committing suicide once. I sat at the edge of my bed for hours, just contemplating a bottle of pills I had in my hand.
1: And you couldn’t do it?
2: Nah, they were Flintstone’s Vitamins.

2: My father left before he could teach me how to shave.
1: Oh…
2: Yeah, he’s been gone for a year now..

About Pixel

Pixel Q. Styx refuses to talk about himself. If thou wishest, thou may infer from his blog what thou wishest.
This entry was posted in Tagged. Bookmark the permalink.