Month: August 2005

Goodie Grab Bag III

(in a debate between two candidates) Candidate #1: … and that is my plan. Any questions? Reporter: Yes, aren’t you a douche? Candidate: No, I am not. Reporter: Let me rephrase that, Is it not true that you are a douche? Candidate: Not in any sense. In fact, I’m actually– Reporter: Sorry, I was a…

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Who the Hell is Pixel Q. Styx???

Everywhere I go, I inspire people to wonder “Just who the hell is he?” or “Who the hell does he think he is??” I blame the middle initial. If I were Pixel A. Styx, nobody would take me seriously. “Pixel A. Styx? Get the hell out of here! Who cares who he is or who…

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Gabe wins

Gabe: You win the humor columnist competition (the other guy chickened out at the mere mention of competition). You get to write a humor colum for every Thursday issue of the paper. If you can have each one sent to me the Monday before it runs, that would be great. I don’t know if you’ve…

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Let’s make a dead philosopher cry

While doing research (clicking links) for my previous post, I ran across several pictures of RenĂ© Descartes and laughed my ass off. I know, I know, I’m not one to talk, but still. In any case, since nothing I write can make me laugh as much as Descartes’ face, here we go. Related posts: Philosopher’s…

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I think, therefore I

So it turns out that of all the things RenĂ© Descartes came up with (Cartesian geometry, dualism, several whopping good recipes), his most basic principle is also the most hotly contested. Cogito, ergo sum. which, roughly translated, is: I think, therefore I is. … I told you it was roughly translated. Anyway, I just heard…

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Submissions for Non-Paying Publications

Dear Editor-lady, Gabe the Deontological Beaver here with my jam-packed submission for your peanut butter-packed newspaper. Do with it what you will, though hopefully you will print it. Also, I assume you shall contact me if I do end up ‘winning’ this mysterious and death-defying contest. In any case, there’s a slight problem with the…

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