(in a debate between two candidates)
Candidate #1: … and that is my plan. Any questions?
Reporter: Yes, aren’t you a douche?
Candidate: No, I am not.
Reporter: Let me rephrase that, Is it not true that you are a douche?
Candidate: Not in any sense. In fact, I’m actually–
Reporter: Sorry, I was a bit unclear. What I meant was, Statement A: I am a
douche. If you said Statement A, would it be true?
Candidate: … Aye.
(Murmur from the crowd and the sound of “Well, no douche is
getting my vote!” from a random audience member)
“What do you mean, Christians love personal affection. I mean, even Judas and Jesus made out after the Last Supper.”
Flatmate: (mumble, mumble, mumble)
Flatmate: Sorry, just thinking out loud.
Pixel: Is that why you’re usually so quiet?
(True statements heard after zoning out in class)
Professor: ..And that is the crux of the argument and the only thing you need to know for this course.
Professor: Moving on…
Polyaminotrinitrohydroglucen… for the natural feeling.