Goodie Grab Bag VIII

Only the mediocre die middle aged.

1: So you had to swallow your words?
2: Yeah.
1: Then what?
2: I had a vowel movement.

You know what’s funny? Humorous observations.

1: Women, Nature’s Rubik’s Cube.
2: Yeah, but I can actually do a Rubik’s Cube

Fortune calls. But it’s the wrong number.

I number you out of love!

I say every thought I have. It’s a real problem. For instance, right there, I thought two things but said three.

1: Where were you? I was looking all over!
2: That’s the thing, I wasn’t all over. I was nowhere. Waiting for you to find me.
1: But you where nowhere to be found!
2: Exactly!

There has to be a backwards ‘a.’ There’s a backwards ‘o,’ ‘i,’ and ‘u!’

1: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
2: Practice, man, practice.

My bloodtype is just like my philosophy: AB with no rhesus factor.

About Pixel

Pixel Q. Styx refuses to talk about himself. If thou wishest, thou may infer from his blog what thou wishest.

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4 Responses to Goodie Grab Bag VIII

  1. I feel dumb. I don’t get like 1/3 of these.

  2. Ah, having heard some of those jokes would have helped me.

  3. Seth says:

    Hee hee, vowel movements.

  4. Pixel says:

    #1 is a play on the saying “Only the good die young.”

    #2 plays on the metaphor of swallowing words, where ‘vowel’ takes the place of ‘bowel’ which is a type of bodily function that is a direct consequence of food consumption.

    #3 Is in itself a observation and thus metahumor.

    #4 Is a sexual innuendo (and a legitimate conversation of mine that my roommates made fun of me for weeks over).

    #5 Is personification of an idiom.

    #6 is also based on a true story of how I numbered my flatmates rather than bother memorizing their names.

    #7 is funny, damn it.

    #8 takes “all over” and “nowhere” as literal places… with hilarious results!

    #9 is me noting that o, i, and u look the same backwards as forwards and treating it like a fact rather than an observation.

    #10 is a take off on the old joke of
    1: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
    2: Practice, man, practice.

    #11 is another take off on the stupid saying of “My bloodtype is just like my philosophy: B Positive”

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