Nice does not mean spineless.
Sometimes guys hide behind the excuse of “I’m a nice guy” in hopes of sympathy. Perhaps if people realize that nice guys mean well but have a universe to compete against, perhaps then their niceness might work for their benefit.
It won’t. Ever. Give it up. The fundamental difference between someone who is nice and someone who is spineless is thus:
- a nice person will forgo his own desires for the rights or greater good of others (perhaps even just one other and perhaps the good will not be greater for them, but the frustrated desires will be bearable for him).
- a spineless person will forgo his own desires every time doing what he desires would require acts of courage, honesty, or bluntness. He will convince himself that he is doing it for the greater good or that “the time wasn’t right.“
Or, to give an example:
- A nice guy drives his crush home while she is completely intoxicated and, even if she hits on him, he does not take advantage of the situation.
- A spineless guy will not take advantage of the situation then, or later on when they’re talking about it, or when she mentions that no nice guys like her, or ever. A spineless guy will brood constantly while his crush has a boyfriend, but not make a move when she does not.
There is a difference.
This is not to say that, if you’re a nice guy, you should automatically start hitting on girls you like. Sometimes they won’t like you back (who are we kidding? They’ll never like you back). To put a girl in a situation where she must either reject you or force herself to date you is mean.
But I’m a big fan of open source. If there is a chance, you should go for it or forever shut up about it. If there is likely not a chance, you should probably still let her know. Otherwise the two of you are going to be working from two different planes of existence.
To this day I do not regret ever telling a girl I liked her. Perhaps I regretted it at the time, but usually it just made the relationship more honest (nonexistant is honest too).
Some girls wouldn’t want you to tell them, that is up to you to figure out. Often, she will give you verbal cues (“why do all of my male friends end up asking me out?”) if not physical cues (moving away when you sit next to her). But more likely, she will give both or neither in confusing bursts.
… pfft! Women.