A Pixelated Mind

(sorry about the shoddy html earlier. I accidentally went off with a beautiful woman, had an adventure, saved a pestilent bird only to let him die again, had a fantastic time with friends I love, had good food, played some soccer, developed a charitable idea, and drank an inordinate amount of Vanilla Coke)

Each post can only be nominated for one category. Goodie Grab Bags, Carnivals, and posts in other weblogs are not available for nomination (for some reason. Perhaps next year). Votes are by comments and only one vote per category per person.

Best Overall Post

ABC’s of Dating
Unpopularity
(I Give Up)^3
And… Scene
Magic Ratio

Funniest Post

Penultimate Words
Let’s make a dead philosopher cry
Drawing Straws
Darwin Recanted on His Deathbed!!
The Irony is in the Chalk

Oddest Post

I Wanna be a Minimalist!
Professor Pixel, I Presume?
Is this the best blog ever?
Sublime
Whoo! Whoo!! Whoo!!!

Most Insightful Post

Accepting Vagueness
The [label missing] Post Ever!
Yeah, But Still
Nice Guys Screw Themselves
What’s A Little Labeling Between Friends?

Most Memorable Post

An Argument for Anonymous Posts
Open Letter to François Tremblay
The Dos and Don’ts of Blogging
I, Kid
The Long Hug Goodnight

Most Original Post

Who says I’m antisocial and why have I never seen them?
The Beauty of owning your own blog
Dear Fans
P42
My Tummy Hurts

Worst Overall Post

Whoa!
Urrghh…
Earth’s Litter
Yo Erica
Open Letter to the Parking Nazii

Best Meme

I h8 Memes
Sweet Merciful CRAP!!
Goodie Grab Bags
Night, Dawn, and Day in the Land of the Dead
100 Greatest Songs I’ve Ever Heard

Best Post Title

I Cried because I had nowhere to sit until I met a man with a funny haircut
Your Face is Morally Repugnant to me
Dignity Makes Your Ethical Theory Weak in the Pants
Her smile was a million roses, her laugh the heavens themselves, but her tears, they… tore me a new one
Who says I’m antisocial and why have I never seen them?

Worst Post Title

You Pee En Dee Queue? Oh, Ess!
I Pee Too
Consumers Say FU to SUVs
What An M F’ing A-hole
Testicles

Best Overall Comment

http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/09/nerd-hecklers/
‘life (l-long i-f)n. pl. lives (livz)
1. a. The property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter, manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth, reproduction, and response to stimuli or adaptation to the environment originating from within the organism.
b. The characteristic state or condition of a living organism.
2. Living organisms considered as a group: plant life; marine life.
3. A living being, especially a person: an earthquake that claimed hundreds of lives.
4. The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence: the artistic life of a writer.
5. a. The interval of time between birth and death: She led a good, long life.
b. The interval of time between one’s birth and the present: has had hay fever all his life.
c. A particular segment of one’s life: my adolescent life.
d. The period from an occurrence until death: elected for life; paralyzed for life.
e. Slang A sentence of imprisonment lasting till death.
6. The time for which something exists or functions: the useful life of a car.
7. A spiritual state regarded as a transcending of corporeal death.
8. An account of a person’s life; a biography.
9. Human existence, relationships, or activity in general: real life; everyday life.
10. a. A manner of living: led a hard life.
b. A specific, characteristic manner of existence. Used of inanimate objects: “Great institutions seem to have a life of their own, independent of those who run them” New Republic.
c. The activities and interests of a particular area or realm: musical life in New York.
11. a. A source of vitality; an animating force: She’s the life of the show.
b. Liveliness or vitality; animation: a face that is full of life.
12. a. Something that actually exists regarded as a subject for an artist: painted from life.
b. Actual environment or reality;
nature.adj.
1. Of or relating to animate existence; involved in or necessary for living: life processes.
2. Continuing for a lifetime; lifelong: life partner; life imprisonment.
3. Using a living model as a subject for an artist: a life sculpture.
Now that I have told you the meaning of life, go and perform an act of hermaphroditic self-fertilization.
How’s that for nerd heckling? 497 to go! ’

http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/03/unpopularity/
’1)I like the environment, we only get one earth.
2)I’m against animal testing-from a biological standpoint they feel as much as we do. 2)Passive on hunting.
3)I’m for abortion, in that I’m against it, but I’m more for women’s rights than I’m against it, thus, I’m for it.
4)For euthanasia-my mums a nurse, so I understand this.
5)Distrustful of law enforcement-They work for the gov’t.
6) Distrustful of the governemnt, it works for business.
6)AM a christian/pseudo-christian
6.5)For gay marriage, s’long as they don’t bug ME about it
7.5)Anti-war/Pro-veteran
7.5)Believes there’s nothing better than intelligence, especially in war, though, there’s no intelligence to GOING to war, unless to defend
8.5)against patriot act
9.5)Hated bush since before his first term- ask Mr. Helm’s 8th grade class
10.5)Social security keeps old people from eating my garbage
11.5) I’m with Ghandi on Authoritarianism
12.5)Business has too much power
13)Against eating meat, but I do, because a bit is healthy, americans do eat too much meat though
Damn, I’m confused. W/e, *turn inside out*Somebody get a mop!’

http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/03/unpopularity/
‘You were popular? When?’

http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/10/its-about-gender-my-friend/
‘I had a dream about you last night. I thought you’d like to hear that. It was disturbing to me, I must admit, seeing as I do not know you. I dreamt that I decided on a whim to meet you in Australia (absurd in itself), and then you picked me up, and sometime during the night I got separated from you and your friends and I was stranded in Australia without your number or anyone to call and I was very very frightened. Weird. = Oh, and the lines of the worlds/donuts are not meant to be solid – just for diagram sake they are drawn as such. They’re more like the rings of Saturn in that they are truly not solid objects, but many rocks floating around up there that generally stay within their own orbit, but occasionally may break through layers. Ooo I got a whole metaphor going on here. I like metaphors. ’

http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/09/we-need-to-talk/
‘Hmmm…
Sometimes it is necessary to talk, though… and sometimes it is hard to bring up a topic in the normal flow of a conversation. For instance:
Him: So I was waiting at a red light the other day and some idiot almost backed into me.
Her: Ah… moron… speaking of morons, I slept with your best friend last night.
Do you see how a simple “We need to talk” could have assisted in preparing the other for the impending conversation? Since it’s been programmed into us that “WNTT” is a prelude to a more serious subject matter, at times, it’s merciful to insert the phrase.
I think any real relationship will “need to talk” every now and then. Hopefully not very often, but enough. Personally, I’ve never been in such a relationship, so I don’t fully understand the gravity of the phrase.’

Worst Overall Comment

http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/02/amen-its-wrap/
‘Dude, you’re wound too tight!You suffer from the same affliction all people who think they somehow matter, do. You believe you know everything and anyone with any smarts at all must believe the way you do. Guess what -’
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/10/its-about-gender-my-friend/
‘”They’re more like the rings…” I’m pretty sure that’s a simile. That being said, I was simultaneously very disappointedly and interested in this post. For me to explain, would take time and effort. So I leave all in peace.’
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/05/polluted-airwaves/
‘OMG.. wow. you’re so dumb.’
‘shall i even begin explaining the reason why your ideas are lame?’
‘*reasons’
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/06/open-letter-to-franois-tremblay/
‘Why don’t you just shut up!’
http://www.pixcapacitor.com/2005/06/vegan-misconceptions/
‘Disgusting child abuser, it’s people like you that make me want to convert to Christianity, for the brute satisfaction of condemning you to Hell. I just wish that one day you’ll realize how disgusting and wrong your feelings were, and that children do not deserve to be subjected to hardship because of your beliefs. Please never have children.

Gabe the Enlightened Beaver here to boost your low, low self-esteem. It has come to my attention that many uglier, dumber, and smellier humans have a low opinion of themselves.
We all have moments in which we feel worthless, though in my case, they’re not justified. So you should not be ashamed of how you feel. Everyone has reasons to feel down: you especially.
It’s important for you to realize that people care. Sometimes, all you really need is a hug and for somebody to tell you that they’re there for you. And we are: so long as we don’t have to touch you or say anything.

If you think you’re just generally not a very worthwhile person, just think of your many accomplishments. If one of your many lack of accomplishments gets you down (i.e. never successfully committing suicide), just think of how great your sense of humor is for enjoying Gabe (the Beaver, not Kaplan from TV’s hit series Welcome Back Kotter and NBC’s Heads Up Poker Championship).

Your self-esteem can also show itself in your attitudes. If you find yourself being overly cautious and timorous, remember the Eight D’s.

What?

You don’t remember the EIGHT D’s?? What are you, a failure? Oh, gosh, I would never talk about how I don’t know the Eight D’s in public again! You’re just going to make a fool of yourself.

No, don’t ask your friends. They’ll just think you’re dumb. And whenever anyone asks you, just laugh knowingly and condescendingly pat their head. Hopefully you’ll be able to figure it out before too long and stop bumbling around like a person that only knows the five lamest D’s.

Pfft! People not knowing the eight D’s…

If you have a good trait, be glad that you have it. Most people have to deal with state self-esteem where their self-esteem depends on an escape like alcohol, drugs, religion, or surfing the internet. I sleep with many beautiful women. To each his own. I have less of a chance getting a computer virus, you have less of a chance of mattering to somebody for any reason whatsoever. To-may-toh, to-mah-toh (but it’s really pronounced to-mah-to).

I leave you with a heart-warming anecdote. I remember one time when I found an old, dirty lamp and I rubbed it. Lo and behold, a genie came out and said he’d give me three wishes for setting him free. Then I took that lamp to a pawn shop and got myself a much nicer, non-possessed lamp that actually lit up the room. I still keep it in my lounge to remind me of how sometimes the worst of situations can leave me feeling slightly better.

The same goes for you. Sometimes, the worst of your situations can leave me, the Beaver who is paid to care, feeling slightly better… if only because I’m not you.

Love, as best as anybody can,
Gabe D. Beaver

“Remember Kids: If you hate yourself, how do you think I feel?”

Who here hasn’t laughed at someone who had a xanga?

And while livejournal is a bit better, it’s still a blogospherical embarrassment.

There was once a time when we at Blogger were at the top and could brag about it, but I’ve since seen some really good stuff out of wordpress and even typepad isn’t that far behind.

If Blogger would just catch up with the categories that wordpress is dominating in instead of relying on del.icio.us, perhaps then we’d be at the top again. Hell, we have the best name: _________.blogspot.com.

Update: *ahem* Sorry. I should have made it clear. I’m not ranking them in order of the people that write them so much as in order of how many features the respective blogging operators have available for their users… and how cool the domain name is. One should note that it is self-evident that all blogs are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creators with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Updating, Independence and the pursuit of an Audience.

Only the mediocre die middle aged.

1: So you had to swallow your words?
2: Yeah.
1: Then what?
2: I had a vowel movement.

You know what’s funny? Humorous observations.

1: Women, Nature’s Rubik’s Cube.
2: Yeah, but I can actually do a Rubik’s Cube

Fortune calls. But it’s the wrong number.

I number you out of love!

I say every thought I have. It’s a real problem. For instance, right there, I thought two things but said three.

1: Where were you? I was looking all over!
2: That’s the thing, I wasn’t all over. I was nowhere. Waiting for you to find me.
1: But you where nowhere to be found!
2: Exactly!

There has to be a backwards ‘a.’ There’s a backwards ‘o,’ ‘i,’ and ‘u!’

1: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
2: Practice, man, practice.

My bloodtype is just like my philosophy: AB with no rhesus factor.

The deadline for the next WTF! Carnival is the 25th (Friday). Send your submissions to submissions(at)pixcapacitor(dot)com and I shall forward them to Aeger. Alternatively, you could send them to Aeger and he’ll post them the 31st.

(it has come to my attention that November doesn’t have a 31st. Oh, well. I guess he won’t post it at all)

If you’re wondering, the rules are here: http://wtfcarnival.blogspot.com/

And here are some samples of what you should write..