Here’s To Moving On

Today we of the class 2006 go on to bigger and better things. We, who have been cloistered in the classrooms for the past ten odd years, now finally head out into the wide world we’ve worked so hard to experience through new eyes.

Yes, we of the Cyborg Ninja Death Squad School have truly come a long way, from freshman to graduates.

Some of us will go on to be computer game villains, and what villains we’ll be! Look forward to our fleeting footsteps creeping up behind you at speed and when you turn around? We’ll be GONE! That shit never gets old! Some of us will become Super Villains, controlling a universal death laser perhaps. Nay, a SUPER universal death laser! Aimed at Washington? Why not all the capitals of the world? Hell, we have the capabilities to do so. We’ll skip Katmandu though. We gotta have somewhere to raise our Cyborg Ninja Death Squadlets.

Perhaps we’ll just settle down into office jobs, simply doing barrel rolls and fly kicking managers when they lose the memo five damn times in a fucking row. Perhaps we’ll be standing at the water cooler with ‘Phil’ and ‘Matt’, or somesuch, and there’ll only be a thirty odd chance of us planting a well aimed fist in their throat. We Cyborg Ninja Death Squad ninjas are, after all, just humble ninjas with a pedigree. A pedigree that includes such Cyborg Ninja Death Squad alumni as Lord Objectico, master of the Earth (weekends inclusive).

Ah we’ve had a fun time, have we not? Years of study now results in a class I am proud to be valedictorian of such a wild and whacky bunch? Do you guys remember that time that Jake (now dubbed Cyborg Destroyer Ninja #32) totally flipped out and killed someone, and then did a rock guitar solo? That was totally bitching. Snap.

Or when Super Slayer 4000 went down to the library and the librarian said ‘oh your book is late, you owe us two dollars’? I remember it took them a month to clean the blood off the ceiling that time.

But we must remember in the time to come that to be a true Cyborg Ninja Death Squad Ninja, you must be three things. First (and feel free to call these out), and most importantly, you must?

Be a cyborg. Yes! If we weren’t cyborgs, we’d simply be Ninja Death Squads. That’d just be lame.

Be a true ninja. If we didn’t totally flip out and kill people, what would we be? Seriously, we’d just be lame asses who wear totally cool clothing and do bitchin’ guitar solos. That, my friends, is real ultimate power.

Be totally into killing people. We’re not into half measures here at the Cyborg Ninja Death School. If we find out that any member isn’t totally into killing people, we… um… kill them. I’ve put forward the argument that we should be more imaginative in our punishment, but we’re not Catholics, we’re ninjas!

So remember class of 2006, head out with your heads held high, your ‘swords’ sharp (eh? EH?!) and kill with impunity! Huzzah!

Oh and have your textbooks in by Wednesday, the new librarian is a bitch that way.

Today we of the class 2006 go on to bigger and better things. We, who have been cloistered in the classrooms for the past ten odd years, now finally head out into the wide world we’ve worked so hard to experience through new eyes. Yes, we of the Cyborg Ninja Death Squad School have truly…