I do?

Having just left my friend Jess’ house, I have become fully convinced that she is the most wonderful person on the planet. Jess is now one of the few people I would be willing to marry without a second’s hesitation.

Of course, I wouldn’t dare sentence her to a life with me. It’s lucky she wouldn’t be willing to marry me anyway.
Which is why I came up with a better solution: I’ll have her marry my former roommate Trumpet Rob.

The problem is that Trumpie already has a girlfriend. A rather fun one, too. That’s why I’ve decided to that the only rational solution is to kidnap Trumpie’s girlfriend and throw Jess and him a surprise wedding.

Yes, sometimes my solutions waver in their rationality. . . .

There are surprise birthday parties, surprise baby and wedding showers and even surprise graduations, but I’ve never heard of a surprise wedding. Which is why it’s going to be such a funny story to tell Trumpie and Jess’ grandchildren.

I’m printing invitations for all of their friends and family. For them, however, I’m going to print invitations to a local priest’s training exercise.

If that doesn’t work, I’ll go with my next brilliant idea: I’ll throw a surprise funeral.

Now the only thing I need to find is a guest of honor.

Having just left my friend Jess’ house, I have become fully convinced that she is the most wonderful person on the planet. Jess is now one of the few people I would be willing to marry without a second’s hesitation. Of course, I wouldn’t dare sentence her to a life with me. It’s lucky she…