Month: August 2007

Never do a favor for your friends that requires you to sign anything or use a credit card. In fact, never expose yourself monetarily for anybody if you can help it. (Warning: I just gave you the moral of the story, thus there is no need to read below the fold. It is mostly my…

As you might or might not know, I (the real me, not the me that I make up to seem cool) am applying to graduate school this year. I’m hoping to be Dr. Pixelation Qyw Styx III within five years… which means I’m going to have to retroactively name my dad and grandfather Pixelation Qyw…

Tek “Danger” McRiggs is a photographer of beautiful women by day, a football legend by midafternoon, a superhero by dusk, a spy-detective-cop by night and a porn star by morning. One day, a team of government-trained ninja pirates shows up to abduct Tek, but mistake his friend Buddy Cop Jr. (played by a famous comedian)…

I like to see people happy. I also like saving money. I don’t readily donate to charity because I’m poor, but every once in a while I like doing something nice for people that could use the money. I usually avoid donating to organizations because I prefer to see the recipients of my charity. The…

Have you noticed I lost weight? Incorrect answer: No, you still bent the light around you. If you have lost weight (and the gravity hasn’t lessened), then obviously you haven’t lost enough. Correct answer: I noticed you looked slightly more shockingly beautiful, but I’d figured it was due to my own meager memory. Do you…

Least sensitive things ever said: Ooh, look, they have some early morning fireworks over by the World Trade Center! How was it living on beach-front property for 14 years, Mr. Dantes? Oh, it was terrible! You don’t know what it’s like to be alone for so long, Mr. Crusoe! Mr. Roosevelt, sir, do you want…