Right answers to impossible questions
- by Pixel
Have you noticed I lost weight?
Incorrect answer: No, you still bent the light around you. If you have lost weight (and the gravity hasn’t lessened), then obviously you haven’t lost enough.
Correct answer: I noticed you looked slightly more shockingly beautiful, but I’d figured it was due to my own meager memory.
Do you think she’s pretty?
Incorrect answer: Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t have cheated on you with her. I was just surprised to see her here, we’re not supposed to get together until the weekend. I hope she’s not pregnant, we didn’t use any protection the past few times.
Correct answer: No, I think she’s sad. Her life is a series of meaningless encounters and she doesn’t even know it. I pity her, really.
Where do you think this relationship is going?
Incorrect answer: Into your bedroom a few more times before I get tired of you, if you play your cards right.
Correct answer: I don’t like to talk about the future because I’m afraid I’ll jinx it, doubly so in this case, because I care so much about you and I love you so much that I’m just glad to be with you. I’ll follow this relationship where it takes me and be glad for every second me and you get to spend together.
Do you think your mother likes me?
Incorrect answer: I suppose anything is technically possible, but with all the crap her and my family talk about you, let’s just say it’s not bloody likely.
Correct answer: She loves you! She told me so the other day, how she was just worried that you didn’t like her. No, everyone loves you, in fact, they asked me to invite you to Thanksgiving this year and they’ve never invited anyone outside the immediate family!
Do I look fat in these pants?
Incorrect answer: Why yes. Yes you do, Tubbetha McFatticus. Surely you weren’t planning to go out wearing that crap? You look like the Michelin Man gone to seed.
Correct answer: (no hesitation) No, of course not. Don’t be silly, you’re not one of those people that has to worry about that sort of thing, you look beautiful no matter what.
Conclusion:
The correct answer is always a lie told with conviction.
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Have you noticed I lost weight? Incorrect answer: No, you still bent the light around you. If you have lost weight (and the gravity hasn’t lessened), then obviously you haven’t lost enough. Correct answer: I noticed you looked slightly more shockingly beautiful, but I’d figured it was due to my own meager memory. Do you…
Equally incorrect: trying to explain how the question (a) has no right answer, (b) is unfair etc. In other words, saying anything reasonable and/or logical = suicide.
I’m in complete agreement. I almost added that bit to the post, but instead I think I might write a post soon about how using logic in an argument is the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a fire.