Nobody falls in love with a résumé

31. I refused to keep a resume until I graduated from college.  I sort of regret that now.  I look much, much worse on paper than I do in real life.

I’m not sure why people always think about attractiveness first when thinking about their ideal lover. Actually, I am sure, I just wish it weren’t the case, as it is such a flimsy basis for anything. Anyway, I’m going to do my own version of Moof’s list. In no particular order, 15 things I want in a lover:

  1. Humor. Even if she does not make jokes of her own, she must at least laugh at them. There is, of course, an ideal amount of laughter. A too jolly lady is just as bad as one that is taciturn.
  2. Irreverence. That’s the nicest way to say “will put up with my lack of reverence for most things in life.” I’ve had dates end before the meal arrived because of this point.
  3. Rationality. I don’t care if she disagrees with everything I say (including if and but), as long as she has thought about the reasons for her points of view.
  4. Genius. After high school, intelligence becomes a strange construct, where people can have a different skill set and yet still be as smart. In this case, genius means an area of depth and specialty.
  5. Intellectuality. A person can be an intellectual without being educated and smart without being intellectual. Intellectuality is a desire and passion for knowledge.
  6. Availability. Yeah, I don’t want to date married chicks. I’m sure they’re great (at least one person thinks so, right?), but I try to avoid drama. You understand.
  7. Chemistry. There’s nothing worse than being a few seconds out of sync in a conversation with someone.
  8. Communication. I wish I knew Morse code. Failing that, I’d settle for just someone who said what they meant, meant what they said, and shared what they thought.
  9. Sincerity. Basically no acerbic, caustic, acid, snide, or sarcastic people. Conversation should flow like a stream, not stall like a minefield.
  10. Drive. I have nothing against housewives, I just have nothing in common with them either. Professional womyn are where it’s at for me.
  11. Ethicality. That’s not a word, but it should be.  I’d like to date a vegetarian or an environmentalist chick.  That seems like it’d be nice.
  12. Patience. Rather, a lack of impatience. There’s nothing scarier than an angry woman.
  13. Attractiveness. I suppose I should be attracted to her.  That might help.
  14. Fitness. Also, she should not be about to die.
  15. Obscurity. To get vague references to poorly thought-out, obscure work.

I write the list, knowing full well that a woman might meet every requirement without being a good mate and vice versa. A person is more than the sum of their parts. Anyone that isn’t is not a very worthwhile person.

(update 11/9:  Also, Trust and Faithfulness.  Shit.  I knew I’d forgotten something!)

(update 3/10: Sane and Emotionally Available now take the place of Patience and Obscurity.)

About Pixel

Pixel Q. Styx refuses to talk about himself. If thou wishest, thou may infer from his blog what thou wishest.
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3 Responses to Nobody falls in love with a résumé

  1. Moira says:

    Wow. A list. I thought you said you would settle for just “female.” 😛

  2. Pixel says:

    Did I not specify that? Yeah, female is probably one of the top five qualities my ideal mate would have.


  3. Friend, possible arch-nemesis says:

    angry women are scary… man do I know about this.

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