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A Pixelated Mind

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Dear Pixel, age 23,

The trope is to say something like,

“I wouldn’t skip any of the adversity I had to face, because that made me who I am today. And I like myself.”

Luckily, I don’t have that problem. I don’t like myself. I’m a tool. I’d love to do whatever I could to change that. Only I don’t know if the problem is that I’ve been through too much adversity or not enough.

Seeing as how I don’t like the things you’re about to do, I might as well take the ‘more pain’ route to future happiness. Who knows? Maybe next year I’ll be able to write that silly trope to you.

So here’s how to really mess up your life in just one year. This includes lots of stuff you will do and some stuff that you just might do.

  • Plan to live with lots of people, even if you don’t know who they are or if this will happen.  Money is just a silly fake thing anyway, right?
  • If you find a girl that cares about you a lot, act aloof and ignore her.  This will only bring about positive, reasoned results.
  • If, however, you find a girl that is distant and pulling away, pay as much attention to her as you can.  Forget all past wrongs, just focus on not losing her now.
  • When you think things might hurt people, keep them hidden and lie about them for as long as possible.
  • Don’t wear a seat belt: it chafes your mentionables.
  • Sign up for every interesting class you can regardless of how much free time you think you’ll have.  This will let you succeed wildly.
  • Stick it in crazy.
  • Start lots of projects
  • Pleasure and business go well together.
  • Play video games.  You know, to relax.
  • Even if you really can’t do something, fake it for a long time until someone calls you out on it.
  • Be nice to strangers.
  • You can trust yourself.  Your convictions will never waver, no matter how tempting something is.
  • Drink, like, all the time.
  • Don’t meet people from outside the department.
  • Get attached quickly and fiercely.
  • Punch an elderly person.
  • Go abroad as often as you can.
  • Let things get weird between you and the people you care about.
  • Never give up.
  • Rob a liquor store.
  • Just admit it, you’re probably gay.

Good luck with that.  Seriously.

… I hate you,

– Pixelation Qyw Styx, age 24, ©2010

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The trope is to say something like, “I wouldn’t skip any of the adversity I had to face, because that made me who I am today. And I like myself.” Luckily, I don’t have that problem. I don’t like myself. I’m a tool. I’d love to do whatever I could to change that. Only I…

Comments

  1. Luckily, I don’t have that problem. I don’t like myself. I’m a tool. I’d love to do whatever I could to change that. Only I don’t know if the problem is that I’ve been through too much adversity or not enough.

    Adversity is over-rated. Trust me, I know this.