How Guys Can Avoid Getting Mugged

A friend of mine recently told me that the best thing to do when someone tries to rob you is whatever they want.

They’ve already broken the social contract. You don’t know what else they’re capable of, so you should just obey what they say and hope it ends quickly.

This, to me, seems like a very defeatist attitude. Why should I concede the social contract to them? If they can violate the social contract, I sure as hell can.  In fact, I can violate it better than anyone!

So next time someone demands all of your money, don’t say a word. Just start yelling and take off all of your clothes. Then you can either start scratching yourself or masturbating furiously. The idea is to do something so completely out of line that they decide that they’d be better off leaving you alone than continuing with the mugging.

Be warned: this only works for guys. If girls try this, they might end up both robbed and raped.

*ahem*

Which brings me to my next post:

How Girls Can Avoid Rape

I once heard that guys don’t rape women for sexual gratification, but rather for the control and power rush. My high school drama teacher once told me a story about a friend of hers. [1]Third person is the best person. 🙂 She said her friend didn’t fight back against her rapist. Rather, she consented and demanded particular sexual positions and speeds. The would-be rapist then lost his motivation and aborted the rape.

I like this approach, but it seems to rely too heavily on the ‘power’ interpretation of rape. So, just to be safe, I advise women to add the phrase:

But you’d better use a condom: I have Herpes.

That will end sex in a hurry, whether it’s rape or not.

[2]NOTE: I make no assurances that either of these strategies will work. BUT– at least it’ll make for a more interesting police report!

Notes   [ + ]

1. Third person is the best person. 🙂
2. NOTE: I make no assurances that either of these strategies will work. BUT– at least it’ll make for a more interesting police report!

About Pixel

Pixel Q. Styx refuses to talk about himself. If thou wishest, thou may infer from his blog what thou wishest.

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