Author: Gabe the Beaver

Jayna, I’m probably going to take a week off soon. This is killing me. And Pix’s criticisms aren’t helping. -Gabe ~~~ Tao of Gabe Gabe the Jingoistic Beaver here with another lesson in ‘Ninja Speak.’ Ninja Speak is an elusive rhetorical skill practiced by only a handful of beavers worldwide. The goal of Ninja Speak…

Jayna, This how to guide got me through writing this how to guide. Love, Gabe Tao of Gabe Gabe the Iconoclastic Beaver here with a lesson in humor writing. You might well have incorrectly gathered that writing humor is simple from my skillful presentation in this prestigious paper. Ha ha. I hadn’t realized I’d already…

Dear Fans, Gabe the Hysterical Beaver here welcoming you back to another warm and joyous semester of beaver-related hijinks. I’m your local newspaper’s humor columnist. As a 3’ 1” beaver with a bitch for a wife, a fox for a girlfriend, a paid off mortage, common and preferred stocks in Turner broadcasting, plenty of free…

Gabe the Gorgeous Beaver is finally done with his final exams. And now all I have to do is wait for the results that will tell me whether my beaver papillomavirus (BPV) is still malignant. Failed pick-up lines: “Quick! Let’s do it while it’s in recession.” You , too, have probably dealt with finals (and…

Tao of Gabe I’m Gabe the Fantastic Beaver and I’m in love. If you have never been in love, it is a strange feeling that I can’t really describe to you but with a series of increasingly terrible metaphors, similes, and analogies. Love is like oxygen: it’s really a poison, but we need it to…

Gabe the Enlightened Beaver here to boost your low, low self-esteem. It has come to my attention that many uglier, dumber, and smellier humans have a low opinion of themselves. We all have moments in which we feel worthless, though in my case, they’re not justified. So you should not be ashamed of how you…