A Pixelated Mind

Man, I hate it when I don’t know anyone with a particular letter of the alphabet.

• The first letter of your name is useless!!

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Oh, you..

• You’re fun and chipper and hyper and I enjoy hanging out with you, but we have so little else in common that I doubt that will happen ever again.
• I use you when I miss a call, but I really, really hate you.

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I’ve decided to change up the order on the letters that were left.  I don’t know if this is of any use to anyone, but I’m still hoping it’s figure-out-able, so…  Yeah

• You’re one of my greatest friends, but you’re such a skeptic that it brings me down.  Only, that’s such a lame thing to complain about that I never tell you anything.  So…  I wish I could, but even I find it a silly issue.
• You’re fun, but your life seems so tattered and stressed.  Sorry about that.
• I don’t think you’re allowed to leave a guy for not being ambitious if he spent the last four years working so that you could go to college.  Just sayin’.
• You’re not as smart as you imagine.  I think that’s an a priori truth.
• Your kids are going to get into alcohol and drugs because they idolized you and you got into alcohol and drugs and didn’t change drastically as a result.
• I’m pretty scared of you.  Especially if you ever find out about your daughter.
• Sorry I didn’t see you more when you lived nearby.  I would have, but my life was too important to set aside.
• I really like and respect you, but you’re so ridiculously awkward.
• Yes, I would like some free swag.  No, I would not like to listen to bad jokes and watch bad movies in order to get said swag.

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This is where I’m glad that my phonebook is alphabetical by nicknames rather than anything else.

• You should come out with us more.  You’re relatively cool, but mostly we just want to hang out with your friends.
• I didn’t make anything better and was likely instrumental in making it significantly worse.  I truly am sorry about that.
• You make my world a better place.  Or at least you would, if you weren’t so unreliable that even when we end up by happenstance in the same place at the same time, you stand me up and go hang out with lame-os. 
• He is selfish and crazy.  Please realize this.  Or, because it makes everyone else’s life easier: don’t. I just think I would feel bad if you end up stuck with him because nobody warned you.  I think Eva Braun started like that.

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Man… did everyone in New Mexico’s name start with this letter?

• I love all the books you’ve given me and all the games we’ve played and am glad and proud to call you my true friend.
• Please explain whether you are in love with me as a person or as a boy.  Then please explain if you are a lesbian or bisexual.  Then please explain how you have a child.  *ahem*  What. The. Hell.
• I think you should start dating again.  But I don’t even know how to counsel you to start.
• I did not love who you thought I did.  But mostly what I wish I could say is that it is sad that you believe your own bullshit.
• Hey – making fun of people only works if it’s in jest and they are that kind of friends.  Shut the hell up.
• Man, why didn’t you invite me to your birthday party?  That would have been cool.
• I wish you’d stayed funny instead of turning into a lush.  You had insane amounts of talent.
• I’m sorry your boyfriend killed himself.  I’m sorry I used the occasion to become your friend.  I’m not sorry I asked you out, but I am sorry that you said no.  And I’m not sorry that you left the country shortly thereafter.
• You taught me to stand on my head and made cookies, because you were so cool.  Now I know how to do neither.  So… maybe you’re not a good teacher?
• I’m sorry that I got into your field because I had nothing better to do and ended up doing so much better in it than you did.  I feel bad that you asked me to do that.
• I should have kissed you seven years ago.  I should never have stopped being your friend.  But the few times I’ve talked to you since then make me feel like maybe I made the right decision after all.. (?)
• I’m not at all hurt that you didn’t call me back when I asked out your voicemail.  I was actually sort of hoping for that.
• You are a fabulous person.  We should hang out more than once (1) total in life.

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