A Pixelated Mind

I’ve told people about my 10-point rubrik for public bathrooms.  Here it is, for the first time ever. Each item present earns the restroom one point. A Perfect 10 is a restroom worth planning trips around.  What does the restroom nearest you score? The one at the Guglhupf scored a 9 before I used it. It’s probably a 4.5 now. My bad.

• There is running water
• There are toilets/urinals that work
• Toilet paper is in good supply
• Toilet Paper is two-ply or more
• Toilets have doors
• Flushing is appropriate
• There is soap
• There is no grime/stuff lying around.  In other words: it is pretty clean.
• The soap/faucet/drying devices are appropriate and not frustrating
• Doors do not pull inward

(cross-posted)

These are the seven themes of my life.  Things I strive for whenever I’m not decompressing.

1. Trust.  I’d rather die than break a promise. I haven’t broken one since I was 15.  I have lied many times in that decade. Some of them hurt more than others. I try to minimize my lies.
2. Laugh.  I can’t help but to find everyday things in life hilarious. Sometimes I feel it is my duty to permanently warp the senses of humor of those around me.
3. Friends. My friends matter more to me than anything except for trust and whatever seems funny at the time.  When I’m in a giddy mood, this is bad news, but generally I’m a great friend.
4. Create.  There are things that I can say, do, write, and draw that people must be aware of.  I can just feel it.
5. Genius.  I’m a pretty sharp guy. Some day I hope to do something with that.
6. Chicks.  This is on my list because 13-year-old Pixel would be very sad if it weren’t.
7. Ethics.  I want to lead an exemplary life.  To do as little harm to the people, animals, and ecosystems around me as possible. I have found that my mind too easily justifies my actions on consequentialist grounds even when the consequences turn out to be disastrous. So in order to maximize the positive consequences around me, I lead a life according to duties and virtues of my own devising….  it’s not perfect, but it tends to be much better than what the people around me do.

I’m… 25?

I wouldn’t repeat 24 if you paid me, but I’m looking forward to the festivities tonight.  Drink Potluck! Dessert Potluck! White Elephant Gift Exchange!  Huzzah!

My friend Benjamin Jagear used to always say to me, “Pixel – look at all of the problems in your life and ask yourself: how many of those problems were caused by your enemies and how many can be traced back to your friends?”

The idea was simple: your enemies, in real life, tend to steer clear of you.  They might harbor feelings of revenge and cut up the cords to all of your office electronics or drive by at night, slowly, to scare you.  But they don’t really take a big enough part of your life for it to matter.

Your friends, on the other hand, do.  And since they’re your friends, they have a way of making their problems yours.  Say your friend is arrested and he needs bail money.  That problem– which you had no involvement in! (that they can prove) – has just become your problem too.  Say they’re dealing with girl drama.  That problem– which you totally didn’t cause– is now yours.

(more…)

The trope is to say something like,

“I wouldn’t skip any of the adversity I had to face, because that made me who I am today. And I like myself.”

Luckily, I don’t have that problem. I don’t like myself. I’m a tool. I’d love to do whatever I could to change that. Only I don’t know if the problem is that I’ve been through too much adversity or not enough.

Seeing as how I don’t like the things you’re about to do, I might as well take the ‘more pain’ route to future happiness. Who knows? Maybe next year I’ll be able to write that silly trope to you.

So here’s how to really mess up your life in just one year. This includes lots of stuff you will do and some stuff that you just might do.

• Plan to live with lots of people, even if you don’t know who they are or if this will happen.  Money is just a silly fake thing anyway, right?
• If you find a girl that cares about you a lot, act aloof and ignore her.  This will only bring about positive, reasoned results.
• If, however, you find a girl that is distant and pulling away, pay as much attention to her as you can.  Forget all past wrongs, just focus on not losing her now.
• When you think things might hurt people, keep them hidden and lie about them for as long as possible.
• Don’t wear a seat belt: it chafes your mentionables.
• Sign up for every interesting class you can regardless of how much free time you think you’ll have.  This will let you succeed wildly.
• Stick it in crazy.
• Start lots of projects
• Pleasure and business go well together.
• Play video games.  You know, to relax.
• Even if you really can’t do something, fake it for a long time until someone calls you out on it.
• Be nice to strangers.
• You can trust yourself.  Your convictions will never waver, no matter how tempting something is.
• Drink, like, all the time.
• Don’t meet people from outside the department.
• Get attached quickly and fiercely.
• Punch an elderly person.
• Go abroad as often as you can.
• Let things get weird between you and the people you care about.
• Never give up.
• Rob a liquor store.
• Just admit it, you’re probably gay.

Good luck with that.  Seriously.

… I hate you,

– Pixelation Qyw Styx, age 24, ©2010