A Pixelated Mind

The New Bronx Tale Test

Pixel — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 02:31:39 +0000

My friend Daniel and I have been doing this test for years. I call it the Bronx Tale test. It comes from the movie the Bronx Tale. It comes from this line:

Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
‘C’: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

The idea is that if you go through some very obvious effort for a girl and she doesn’t extend a fraction of the same effort to you, then she’s not worth the hassle. It’s a simple concept and it makes sense. The problem is that cars no longer work this way. We now have automatic locks on most cars, so there’s really no way to run this test anymore.

What we need is a new Bronx Tale Test. We need some way one person can extend large amounts of effort for their date, which can be reciprocated with only minor effort.

Until then, we’re just going to have to talk, listen, and *gasp* get to know our dates… and who has the time for that?

Lottery Night

Pixel — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 19:55:04 +0000

I’m trying to get back into the habit of posting. Here’s a short question that’s been in my conversational repertoire this week:

If you won the lottery tonight. (Say $100 million after taxes.) What would you do that evening to celebrate?

My friend John, is an ethicist. His answer: Vegas. He’d fly out eight of his best friends, give them each $100,000 on the condition that they absolutely must waste it that weekend.

His brother Paul is a doctor. His answer: Have a nice dinner, then start planning how he would save the world.

My answer: Also Vegas. I’d put it all on black.

What would you do?

A new fallacy for the modern political era

Pixel — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 15:13:31 +0000

Kyl-Santorum Fallacy: What begins as a bare assertion – when it is pointed out that the statement is false – the speaker replies that it was merely a rhetorical statement. This can either be simply admitting the rhetorical maneuver, as in “not intended to be a factual statement” or claiming it was a statement of sentiment, as in this was “true in my heart.” Arguably, this is a strategy of avoiding accountability rather than a fallacy, albeit an absurd one.

Hourly Comic Day 2012

Pixel — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 23:54:44 +0000

I can’t figure out how to make this look nice. Just click on the first one and cycle through it using the lightbox.

Aww… crud.

Pixel — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:21:06 +0000

2012

Pixel — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 06:45:05 +0000

Some resolutions:

Be in better shape than I am now
Pass my departmental prelim
Contact friends and family every month
Do something creative
… I need a fifth resolution here. Perhaps something involving sexy lady types.

2011 Redux

Pixel — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:30:36 +0000

Did I accomplish all of my goals for this year? Did I accomplish any?

Get down to 172 lbs. or 12% body fat
Fail. Damn. I thought I’d set the goal at 175. Even then I failed. I got down to 177 for a while, but it turns out I just have a bigger frame than I thought. I got to the point where I exercised every day for three months, counted calories, and maximized my protein intake, but it just wasn’t enough to overcompensate for the heavy, regular drinking.
Start and maintain a podcast
Ambivalent. I have many things to upload and many things to work on,
Maintain my Sarah Project
Success! Sort of. I messed up last week.
Maintain my secret Sentence Project
Fail. I simply cannot keep up with projects. I think I should stop.
Pass my departmental prelim, write a chapter
Fail. This has not happened. It will by April, though. It has to!
Super Friend Bash 2011
Success! Oh no!
Finish writing my microfiction
Fail. Though I did start the @puntitled account. That was kind of fun.

Why Jiffy Lube is wrong for America

Pixel — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 04:38:46 +0000

Hay Gauys!

Would you like to buy a used Honda Civic Hybrid? I just replaced the electric engine and got new tires.

Unfortunately… it has 145,000 miles and the transmission is shot– Jiffy Lube tightened it up too harshly and cracked it. To replace it is gonna be $1800.

Also: I am broke and sad.

Can I have your moneys now?

I’m a College Instructor!

Pixel — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 00:38:49 +0000

Here‘s a syllabus I made!
It’s so nice and shiny. You should enroll in my class!

The 70% mark

Pixel — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 15:36:38 +0000

Today I turn this:

visited 34 states (68%)

Into this:

visited 35 states (70%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

Group think

Pixel — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 20:00:10 +0000

There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where one of the characters talks about how groups of women always look hotter than each individual woman. They called it the “Cheerleader Effect.”

In high school, my group of friends was huge. As a result, we would go out and do things almost every day. There was always something going on and always enough people so that any event would be well attended… and awesome. It was one of the best times of my life.

I think about that time still to try to understand what happened and why it fell apart. First, of course, time changed our circumstances. Pam & Miguel went to Albuquerque, Fernie joined the Navy, and so on. Second, people’s priorities changed: motherhood, getting into careers, etc. Third, there was some intra and inter-group relationship drama.

But mostly, I just don’t think most individual pairs of people in the group had that strong of relationships. The relationships were strong in the abstract, but when the group as a whole began to dissolve, many of the constitutive relationships also fell apart.

This didn’t just happen with my high school group (indeed, most of those relationships have been the most resilient to time), it also happened to my friends at Turnbull Hall in IUP, the gaggle of friends I made in Australia, and the TRUpers from my time at the student newspaper. I still hold special places in my heart for dozens of people I met in each of those places— and still talk regularly with a few— but my relationship with the rest of the assorted group is more of a casual acquaintanceship with memories of better times. I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking to stay at their house, for instance.

So yeah. I don’t really have a point. I’ve just been thinking about this recently.

¡¡o!o

Pixel — Sun, 29 May 2011 13:50:08 +0000

It turns out I’m… 26 now.

I think 25 was nice. I did cool things and hung out with cool people, though never enough of either. It was actually a fairly okay year, though it seems uneventful in retrospect. Probably because there weren’t super huge highs or huge lows. I think I prefer the much more eventful years… I’ll regret saying that some day.

I’m looking forward to the festivities tonight. Mexican food! Great friends! Margaritas! Alcoholic Smoothies! Hurray!

Rules for Shotgun

Pixel — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 16:35:25 +0000

I swear to god, I thought I’d written this down before…

In reference to the last episode and taken from this website and this other one:

Shotgun must be said audibly to all present or the person’s hand must be on the door handle
Window is a separate option that must also be called independently. All other rules for Window are the same as those for Shotgun.
The car must be visible, you must be outside or in the parking structure, and the ride must be imminent. Early calls are strictly prohibited. (Often this rule is split up into several other rules.)
Shotgun may not be called for anybody else.
Shotgun only applies among equals who are of more or less the same age, gender, and status. Also, the seat must be vacant when called. In cases where Shotgun is not available (for instance if the person with directions, an elder, or a disabled person needs the seat), anyone who called Shotgun automatically loses their bid.
In case of a tie, Rock, Paper, Scissors, Australian Thumb to the Head or Mad Dash to the Car rules may be instituted in lieu of the driver’s tie-breaking decision. This is the driver’s choice and one must familiarize oneself with the local rules before playing Shotgun.
The order for automatic Shotgun is as follows: owner of the car, disabled person, elderly person, person who knows the directions, spouse/partner of the driver, all other claimants.

Shotgun is awarded to the quickest thinker for a reason: he must serve as navigator, radio controller, and cop watcher. Theoretically, being the first to call Shotgun better allows for this. Failure to abide by these rules or duties may result in the person with Shotgun being forced to ride Bitch.

Hourly Comic Day 2011

Pixel — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:39:11 +0000

This year, I got a lot faster at drawing. And presumably better, but it’s going to be really hard to tell because I also cared much less than last year or the year before. In hour 12, SElizabeth and I switched hourly comics.

Academic Advice Column

Gabe the Beaver — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 00:03:53 +0000

Dear Gabe,
Many months ago, my adviser recommended I add a particular faculty member to my committee: call him Dr. X. I had misgivings about adding Dr. X because I’ve never known him to have any students and I’d heard other graduate students disparage him for various reasons. Nevertheless, I added him to my committee. Fast forward to my prelims. Two months before my prelim exams, I sent my entire committee a copy of my prelim document. I heard nothing from any of them. Two weeks before the exam, I sent the document again, asking for comments. My adviser signed off on the paper, but again– I heard from nobody on any specifics.

The day of my exam came and– in the very first slide, Dr. X challenged some of the setup to my presentation. This wasn’t a major issue, it wasn’t even something that was controversial. In fact, I was claiming something as basic as “the grand unified theory is a major problem for physics.” But as the presentation went on, Dr. X kept challenging every point I made and asking me to provide evidence for ridiculous things. On deliberation, the rest of my committee wanted to pass me, but Dr. X refused to sign off on me. So they told me that I had ‘conditionally passed.’ Only– it turns out there is no such thing! So I failed. Not only that, but in my department, prelims aren’t supposed to be such a big deal. The going assumption is that if your committee lets you get to the prelim exam, the actual examination is a mere formality. Obviously it wasn’t in this case.

My committee agreed on the changes I needed to make for my document and so I spent three months working on those changes. I recently sent it out for comments. I corrected all of Dr. X’s original concerns and added that I wanted to address any further concerns before my next exam. My adviser signed off on this document as well. I just now received an e-mail from Dr. X in which he added SUBSTANTIAL comments to my document in red. To fix his concerns, I would have to spend another three months. But recently I heard that there was bad blood between Dr. X and my adviser. I am at a loss. I have spent over a year on this stage of my career and am nowhere closer than I was a year ago. What do I do?

–Jake in Biology

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