Tag: wit

Advice for First-Time Parents

2: I think I’m getting my hearing back, how about you? 1: What? 2: WHAT?? In order to not spoil your child, pay equal amounts of attention to something else. We recommend drugs or alcohol. The sooner you start feeding your child meat and veggies, the sooner he’ll be a man and not let you…

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Why being attacked by zombies might rock

I suppose you won’t bother with a corresponding Pros list, though for completeness’ sake – you really should. – Radioactive Jam said on Thursday, 4 October, 2007 Sudden food and electronics binge to die for. Never a dull day again. Your existential crisis will end… one way or another. Target practice: House of the Dead…

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Why being attacked by zombies might suck

There’s probably some drawbacks to the world being overtaken by zombies I’m not seeing. – Me, after seeing Resident: Evil; Extinction/ Constant body odor Odds are most of the beautiful women would keep their promises and die before they slept with you. Hot, running water might not last very long. Ditto electricity and heat. No…

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Things that you can be geeky about without being a geekº

‘Manly’ sports Wine Art Drugs¹ History Sex The Simpsons² Things that people think belong on the first list, but are still pretty lame Indie/emo/metal/rap music Anything to do with technology Pornography All other sports Cars Politics Religion Cartoons Movies Your particular field of interest ºGeeky is hereby defined as knowing more than a common connoisseur…

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Goodie Grab Bag XII

We brought you to this bar to have an intervention. Man, I’m so rich, I use $100 bills for toilet paper. And I use toilet paper for something equally frivolous: like currency. Sorry, I have to go. My pedicurist is calling me: it might be important. 1: I remember when this guy was a neoluddite.…

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