Gabe, the Internet Guru

Dear Gabe,
I’ve taken a liking to boy bands. Is that bad?

–Joe Pop

Dear Joe,
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with boy bands. In fact, they are some of that most talended musicians out there in the music biz today. Do you know how long it takes to memorize the lyrics to songs you’ve never heard before in your entire life? And then they have to learn all those different, yet oddly similar dance moves. It’s the subtle changes–right step instead of left, a little quicker on the third step, arm up instead of down– that make each video so unique and inspirational. Each song has its own meaning–manufactured, err, written, to make every single teen out of millions feel like the song was made with her own unique situation in mind. Then they have to sell it. Do you know how hard it is to look sincere every single time they say, “you’re the only one” into a crowd of 20,000 screaming teenyboppers. It takes a lot to be those guys and I commend them for their efforts. Long live the New Kids on the Block!!

Dear Gabe,
Is it still a good question if there is not an answer?

–John [GI3470]

Dear John,
Philosophers such as myself have long debated that issue: whether it’s important to ask a question if there is no definite answer. I believe some writer-guy wrote “To be or not to be.” That ties in here somewhere…
Anyway, that guy was totally off. Why ask a question if there is no answer? Sure, you could get some deep, profound, philosophical conversation going, but a box of Cracker Jacks could do the very same thing if handled properly. So, to answer your question, a question can be good without an answer, but nothing beats Cracker Jacks.

Dear Gabe,
Why do they sterilize a needle for a lethal injection?


Dear Chad,
I believe it’s to tease the inmates. It’s like they’re saying “We’re not going to let some little bacteria on the needle kill you and take all the fun away, we want to do it ourselves!” It’s wonderful they’re so responsible like that.

Dear Gabe,
I just turned thirty, but I feel like im 25, is that natural?


Dear Wethah
It’s a perfectly normal sign of immortality you’re experiencing right now. Sure, it may seem strange right now, but after a few hundred years you’ll learn to deal with it. See, when you’re 60, you’ll feel like you’re only 50, and when you reach 120, you’ll swear you’re only 100. If you don’t want to live eternally, take up smoking and/or incorporate a healthy serving of McDonald’s to each and every meal.

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