Ind e-Pen IV

The Ind e-Pen

Okay, because I didn’t feel like writing a real viewsletter this issue, I decided to just write a little bit of dialogue. Here you go. Hopefully the time I saved in writing this will help me out with some other stuff this week…

Pixel: Oh, hello.
MiB: Hello Mr. Styx. We understand that you’ve recently seen an Unidentified Flying Object.
Pixel: Who’s we?
MiB: I represent people of, shall we say, importance…
Pixel: You mean like LL Cool J? Is he with you? Can I see him?
MiB: We do not know of whom you are speaking, but we can assure you, we hold vast more power than he does.
Pixel: You mean you’re like his mom? He respects her. Man, I’ve never seen a man front so much for someone, seriously….
MiB: No, we have never heard of Elell Cool Jay. Our representative is of greater galactic importance. Regardless, you must understand that you were not in a correct state when you saw what you think you saw.
Pixel: When?
MiB: When you saw the UFO.
Pixel: What UFO?
MiB: Mr. Styx, you are making this exceedingly difficult and you must understand that my benefactors will not like that.
Pixel: Ooh, you used a singular proverb, good for you! We remember when we first did that.
MiB: I’m sorry?
Pixel: Oh, don’t apologize, using English correctly is the first step to rehabilitation.
MiB: Rehabilitation? Of what?
Pixel: Of seeing a UFO, which you’ve obviously seen.
MiB: No, I am sorry. UFO’s don’t exist, neither one of us has ever seen one before.
Pixel: Aw, damn, I worked you back to denial… Well, whatever.
MiB: Mr. Styx, you have two coins in your pocket.
Pixel: No I don’t.
MiB: Yes. I’m certain that you do. Take them out now.
Pixel: No I don’t. If I do, what type are they?
MiB: One is one of your U.S. Quarter Dollars and the other is what you call a dime. Please take them out now.
Pixel: Well, hot dog, you were right. You should take that on Vegas, you could make some serious bank.
MiB: Give me one of the coins.
Pixel: A coin trick? Oh, cool. Here you go.
(the coin shimmers, then fades away. Use magic if you have to)
MiB: No one on Earth will ever see that coin again.
Pixel: That’s a nice trick, I’ve seen better, though. Like this one time, I saw this guy push a coin in his back, then spit it out of his mouth, it was great! Can you do that?
MiB: No, I’m afraid I can’t. The point was to teach you a lesson.
Pixel: A pretty crappy lesson if you couldn’t spit out the coin… What was I supposed to be learning, anyway? Fractions? I hate fractions. I’m sorry if I didn’t learn them right.
(taps a hand to his ear)
MiB: I can’t seem to get through to him, he’s been brainwashed well. I don’t think we have anything to fear. Hm. (looks at Pixel) This may take a while…
Pixel: So… can I have my coin back?
MiB: What? No. No one on Earth will ever see that coin again. I told you that.
Pixel: I didn’t think you were serious. That was just a trick. I need that coin to buy some Jolly Ranchers today.
MiB: The point was to teach you that you did not in fact see a UFO. That it would be foolish to go about repeating that you had.
Pixel: That’s a jolly good lesson there, but… Well, I just thought that I wasn’t going to be paying for it. I mean, I know you can teach fractions really well, but, can’t you do it without making us poor college students poor… er
MiB: You are not in college.
Pixel: Not right now, but you just wait for my classes tomorrow.
MiB: Tomorrow is Sunday.
Pixel: What, you have something better to do on a Sunday? You can’t wait for my classes?
MiB: (obviously trying to segue out of this conversation)
How about that weather?
Pixel: It’s good…. Great, even. Great enough to wait 24 hours to see my classes start.
MiB: My information was that you do not go to school.
Pixel: What kind of a teacher has bad information like that… Seriously.
Pixel: Yeah, and you suck at Fractions too.
MiB: Listen, if you want your wife to keep her pretty face, you will not tell anyone about the UFO that you saw.
Pixel: Hmm… Listen, I don’t have a wife. Maybe you meant to go teach someone else? Are you a Jehovah’s Witness?
MiB: No!
Pixel: Good, I didn’t want to have to go into the Witness Protection Program.
MiB: You are Pixel Q. Styx, right?
Pixel: No, I’m Fox Mulder, have you met my lovely sidekick Superman?
MiB: Don’t toy with me. Well, seeing as it’s obvious that no one would listen to you anyway, I think I shall leave.
Pixel: No, wait! Don’t you want to stay and watch I Love Lucy?
MiB: I’m afraid that would prove to be impossible. Not only do you not have cable, but your television is broken.
Pixel: Oh, no it’s not. You just have to wait for it to heat up, it’s like a Fierro.
MiB: It is nothing like a Fierro, it is missing a bulb. It will not work.
Pixel: There you go with your pessimistic impatience again. It’ll work. Trust me, I know. You just have to wait for it to warm up. Not too much, though, or else it’ll heat up and stop working again. So we can see the first ten minutes of I Love Lucy, then catch the highlights at nine.
MiB: It is nine twenty right now, your television does not work, and you do not have cable.
Pixel: How can you live being wrong all the time?
MiB: We are never incorrect. We will leave now.
Pixel: You suck at exits, you know that?
MiB: I know more than you can imagine.
Pixel: Including the winning lottery numbers? Because I can imagine those.
MiB: Goodbye Mr. Styx. (He fades away)
Pixel: Wow, interesting guy… too bad he’s gay though… I mean, did you see how clean those boots were? Nobody keeps their boots that clean.

(looks at his shoes. Notices that they are extremely clean and walks away as if to dirty them)

One last thing:
Congrats to Jessy Salinas for answering last week’s question correctly (again). As a reward, she will be mailed a Pix Capacitor this week… plus she gets a gold star (this being her second correct answer in two weeks)

Last Week’s Question: Would [asking a question every week] be fun?

Her Correct Answer: Yes.
This Week’s Question: Who’s going to win the New Hampshire Caucus? Is it Cheney? I think it’s Cheney.


  1. Hey, are you going to make available the PiX for the entire semmester? Do I need to send you a check or something? Money order? Ok let me know.


  2. Hey, what’s up?
    Yeah, the PiX is gonna be available for the entire semester ($7.50 for 7 mailings). This first issue is coming out on Tuesday so that it’ll be in NM by Friday. If you want, just e-mail me your mailing address now, that way you’ll get the issue on time.

    Thanks, I’ll talk to you later,

    P.S. here’s my mailing address for the check or money order.

    Carlos Mariscal
    Turnbull Hall, Room 111
    1020 Grant Street
    Indiana, PA 15705

  3. it’s totally the New Hampshire Primary(ies)! gah!
    I’ve got a friend in New Hampshire….and if anybody should get anywhere be it Clark.
    …and from another le Pe-u what’s up with the Kansas stuff hmm? hmm? yeah yeah, I’m being mean right now, dunno if I’m doing a good job of it but that’s okay, I’m generally nice anyway so it’s okay I had Subway.

  4. it’s totally the New Hampshire Primary(ies)! gah!
    I’ve got a friend in New Hampshire….and if anybody should get anywhere be it Clark.
    …and from another le Pe-u what’s up with the Kansas stuff hmm? hmm? yeah yeah, I’m being mean right now, dunno if I’m doing a good job of it but that’s okay, I’m generally nice anyway so it’s okay I had Subway.

  5. Hello Psycalthos,

    Number 4 was extremely funny. I was laughing so hard that I nearly peed my pants, but then I remembered it’s not so fashionable to do so anymore…then I read the second line of the dialogue. Let’s just say I was never into fashion anyways. I hope you are doing oh so wonderful in that foreign land in which you now dwell. I keep seeing people that I think are you, but they’re not. It’s not just me either. It seems there are Carlos sightings everywhere. Can it be that you never really found your way to Pennsylvania, but you were to embarrassed to tell anyone? Hmm…you are definitely up there with Elvis now on sightings…yes…I have to go now…

    Love you!


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