Ind e-Pen # L, Second CD Sell-Out

The Ind e-Pen

So bored.. Absolutely nothing to do.. Not a darn thing… nope. So bored I accidentally issued a challenge to my dear friend Butt’s journal.

And now I’m bored… so I thought I’d do a nice little flashback.

Episode 10 –

As if to introduce everyone to my hatred of Parking Nazii, I wrote a brief little dissertation on my brief misadventure with the IUP towing people. It seems that I had, silly me, parked in a 24 hour tow-away zone for an entire weekend. I was out $60 because of that. Grr! Hey, there was nowhere else to park AND it was the weekend. Who knew they checked the lots during the weekend?

Also, I mentioned a plane ride in what can only be described as an overgrown toy.. Gosh, that was a terrible trip… it was so bad that the next time I had to go cross-country, I decided to drive. That turned out to be pretty stupid, actually.


“I buy myself some Spongebob Squarepants socks (note: this is a blatant lie to make myself seem dorkier than I really am. What I actually bought was Spongebob Squarepants boxer-briefs)”
“let me just give you some all-around, probably unrelated advice: Never ask out a girl you run into in a gay rights rally… you think I’m kidding.”
“I’m just ticked. Don’t worry about me, though, I’ve got a porous, yellow, and absorbent cartoon character to console me.”
“what if, in discussing it, I accidentally release some information that might help potential terrorists? We can’t afford that! Our country is already in Code Pink, right? Code Periwinkle? Code Off-White? Code Fool’s Gold? Code Robin’s Egg Blue? Code Macaroni & Cheese? Code Mahogany?”

Things you might have missed:

The introduction was actually an acrostic that spelled “IM HOME” if you looked at it carefully, suggesting, of course, that I wrote it whilst I was home during my First spring break. Coincidentally, this turned out to be the week my parents split up.

The winner of this week’s question:

Starlit C. Hill.

Episode 20 –
This week was coincidentally my first week back in New Mexico. Interestingly, this was also one of the busiest I ever had, including a Mother’s day, two days of pool-cleaning fun, a 10-mile annual Bataanish death march, and several parties I didn’t particularly want to be in. Also, this was the week I tried changing up the format of the e-mail by allowing people to write in their own adventures… Yeah, that whomped.

“I met a girl and, as is my usual fashion, I convinced her to walk for several hours in the unforgiving sun the next day.”

“I’ll probably work my way out of active combat. Us born again Mexicans are crafty like that: we work our asses off to stay lazy.”
“By the time we were finished, the pool was impeccable (except for the peccable parts)”
“There were seven of us there, but only token white boy Jack and I actually went swimming. Something about the swimming pool being too ‘peccable'”
“If I had a catfish for every time I’ve given up the possibility of excusable public drunkenness for cartoons, then my pool would never have algae again!”

Things you might have missed:
Jack Nagel, who was the white boy who inexplicably asked me to clean the pool, was basically the only person other than me to clean the pool (and swim in it), was also the guy who gave me the idea to change the format.
The submission policy was the exact same as the Pix Capacitor submission policy… at least it was after I finished the e-mail.

The (multiple) winners of this week’s question:
Adelay, T. Rob, and Nikki Soohy.

Episode 30 –
Crap, this was the top-secret e-mail. I’m not sure I even remember what happened, too. Damn. I knew I should have told everyone, now it’s gone forever, like Peewee Herman’s career. In any case, this was also the “Top 15 things to call a bald person,” “top 25 failed spin-offs” and “Mock Interview” episode.

Top 5 items in the Top 15 List:
“Pelon (Spanish for Baldie)
Monkey Nut”

Favorite Spin-offs:
  • Death magazine
  • Space magazine
  • “Jennifer Hate Hewitt”
  • “Macrowaves”
  • “Virus Phones”
  • “Palm Copilots (they drink martinis)”
  • “Femail”
  • “The Second Bush White House”
Favorite Interview Questions:
  1. What gender are you?
  2. Are you single?
  3. Are you likely to become single?
  4. Is your relationship open?
  5. Are you married?
  6. Well, are you divorced?
  7. Did he beat you?
  8. Did you like it?
  9. How long did you put up with it?
  10. If it were to happen again, how long would you put up with it?
  11. Do you have any kids?
  12. How many?
  13. Are any of them hot, 18-year-old girls?
  14. Well, when DO they turn 18?
  15. Do you have insurance?
  16. Do you have a Health Condition?
  17. BOO!!!!
  18. What would you consider to be your weaknesses?
  19. What about your strengths?
  20. Do you have any super strengths?
  21. Are you faster than a speeding bullet?
  22. That’s not what your wife said.
  23. What did the blind, deaf, mute, paraplegic kid get for Christmas?
  24. CANCER!!!
Things You Might Have Missed:

The bald jokes were aimed at D. Davenport, who had grown his hair for almost 18 months before abruptly cutting, then shaving it all off (a move reminiscent of my high school prom).

These e-mails are the reasons I don’t write top X lists anymore. It’s really sad, because people seem to like them.
I’m going to give the mock interview as my real interview whenever I have to interview people in real life.
Oh, now I remembered what the top-secret thing was. Still can’t tell you, though.

The winners of this week’s question:

Denise Saenz.

Episode #40, Drafting Roughly –

A semi-recent issue in which I brought up the concept of a draft, which has since been confirmed as a (stunningly effective) strategy to garnering Democratic support in the November elections. This was forced to a vote in October (and lost 402-2), thus succinctly proving that there will Not be a Draft… right? Never mind that in January we will have 150,000 troops in Iraq– the greatest we have ever had there– in an effort to make the January elections go off ‘smoothly’ (seriously). And what with this stop-loss order and this forcing soldiers out of retirement… but hey, LOOK! Mars!


“as of this week we are exactly three-quarters of the way through with the year. Yey, everybody! I couldn’t have done it without you! That’s right. I couldn’t have grown older without you… you youth-stealing sociopaths. Grr. I’m going to go eat some cereal and listen to NPR for a while now.”

“Topics I cannot cover because of impending reader mutiny:

  1. My poetry (“rub-a-dub dub…”)
  2. health
  3. sexuality
  4. common household objects
  5. My unhealthy sexual attraction to common household objects (esp. when it’s not my house)
  6. Ethical Dilemmas and Paradoxes in extremely relatable situations
  7. How readers are the laziest mutineers of all time
  8. How Butt has always and will always be wrong about everything in life
  9. How I hate writing Top 15 lists”
Things you might have missed:

Though I pick on Butt (eew!) a lot, I really love him. And not in that safe, heterosexual way, either.

I really WAS worried about the Draft. Still am, kinda.

I really did write a poem that started with “rub-a-dub-dub” back in early 2003. It was part of the cover article in the Pix Capacitor… it’s more sad than collectable, really.

Remember that one time whence I wrote that:
Butt won.

Episode #50, Second CD Sell-Out –

A recollection of previous indepens. Yeah, I’m That awesome.

“A recollection of previous indepens.”
“Yeah, I’m That awesome.”

Things you might have missed:

This is not my first meta-indepeny indepen. The first was actually back in the 1950s, during the height of the Cold War.
The Cold War was the lamest of all wars. And the ’50s were the lamest of all decades.
In “Yeah, I’m That awesome,” The ‘t’ in That is capitalized.
There are two ‘t’s in That.
I got the idea for this e-mail from Jess Duarte, also known as Tai.
“Also Known As” is Also Known as “A.K.A.”

The Winner of this week’s question:

Me. Yeah, I know, I can’t believe I did it either, but hey, statistically, I was Bound to win sooner or later.

A Small Quiz:
  1. Are there moral absolutes?
  2. What’s Your favorite episode (I mean issue [I mean e-mail])?
  3. Can You receive HTML? And are the “‘”s in these e-mails represented as ??’s?


  1. Carlos you ignorant slut,

    My livejournal is on the backburner for now and right now I’m on facebook as KJ Ramo. Do a global search for me at IUP!

    A Small Quiz:

    1. yes. read the Bible.
    2. anything that has to do with me
    3. i’m not sure and i’m too lazy to check.


  2. Dear butt,

    It would seems that law is not always directed to the common good as to its end. For it belongs to law to command and to forbid an act. But, commands are directed to certain individual goods. Therefore the end of law is not always the common good, more less a moral absolute. Just what part of the bible are you asking me to read? Are there really any moral absolutes Butt? Perhaps, if you were a bit clearer, then considering your view might be easier for me. If you could just tell me why the Bible is good, I would believe you.


  3. Dear butt,

    Perhaps I was unclear, I apologize for that. We’re both students in search for ‘truth.’ You were asked “are there are any moral absolutes,” and your reply was “yes, read the Bible.” So tell me friend, where I can find them? What are they? Your answer was ‘yes’ wasn’t it? Why would you answer Carlos’ question without understanding the reasons behind your replies?


  4. Moral absolutes. Try the ten commandments. Do not kill, do not steel, do not covet stuff and people. These are all moral things which everybody should be able to agree with. (If not, I’d be inclined to believe one was immoral) I’m not too familiar with the Bible, but I do know that it is a collection of stories that have morals to them. Kinda like Aesop’s fables, except they don’t tell you what it is at the end. You have to examine one’s self to determine this. So yes, Butt’s answer was correct. There are moral absolutes in the Bible. And I’m not saying that all of them are absolute. Just that there are some. Also, weather or not you choose to live by them is your choice.

  5. So there it is. Both you and I can agree with some of the Bible’s commandments. However, this is where the problem originates from; You said it yourself, “that not all of them are absolute.” And I agree. But the word absolute means: Perfect in nature, complete, and unconditional. Now obviously if the word of God was perfect in nature, and unconditional, than you and I would have little to say about which commandment or portion(s) of the Bible is or isn’t absolute. But both you and I have already said, not all of them are absolute, correct? So is the Bible Unconditional? Or are we to examine it like a fable and picking the most acceptable Theories?


  6. Dear Everyone,

    If there weren’t moral absolutes then there would be total anarchy. I believe the Bible to be true so that is absolute to me. T-Rob gave a good example of the Ten Commandments. I don’t think morals can come from science, obviously, and I think that if people don’t consider not killing people a moral absolute then they are stupid.



  7. You must remember the origional question. “Are there moral absolutes?” The answer Matt gave was yes, and to read the Bible to find them. I pointed to the ten commandments for just an example of some moral absolutes. Matt or I never said that the entire Bible was morally absolute, just that morals could be found in the stories. And that some are absolute. As for the Bible being absolute. No, I’d have to say that it isn’t. Because people wrote it. (It’s said that God guided them). But the fast that humans wrote it and that it has gone through edits and translations, the chance for some of the authenticity of God’s word has been lost. So I must say that the Bible isn’t unconditional because of the human error. (Even with this, absolute morals can still be found) But on the other hand, God’s word is absolute and unconditional in every way. You just have to examine your heart and soul to figure out what his word is. You can find hints of them in the Bible, but not every word is His. I’d have to say yes and no to your last question. You go through it like a fable and find morals in the stories. But you can’t just do that to every passage in it because some are foretellings and other things that I’m not familliar with. You also have to remember that we aren’t talking about legal absolutes. That’s a whole other discussion. I hope I was able to clear some things up.

  8. T-Bone,

    I know where I stand in respect to morality. I was never talking about legal absolutes. If anything those are much clearer in disparity to the Ten Commandments. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some happy go lucky guy who’s trying to push down the Bible. Trust me on that. But, when some guy named Butt says yeah “read the Bible” without even understanding the weight of the question, you can’t help but want to understand what going through his mind. I believe edits and translations are very good reason for misconceptions from version to version. However your buddy has no idea what we’re talking about. I remember very well what the original question; Butt gave the answer, yes read the Bible, referring to it as a source where Moral absolutes can be found. So I’ll ask you again T-bone (if that is your real name) J/k. What makes the Bible a source for Moral absolutes and why is the Bible good?

  9. hey ppl. Just wanted to post around at some of the places I know because I need to find a new man in my life. My last boyfriend just admited that he cheated on me so I’ve had enough with him and his sort. Looking for a good honest guy to show me a good time.

    Check me out and send me a message over at:

  10. Well it has been very long since I have put my two cents into a discussion topic, so I will do it now. No I believe there are not such thing as moral absolutes. It was stated previously that if there werent, the world would be anarchy. This is untrue. Comparitively to a utopian society, the world IS in anarchy. There are no ACTUAL moral absolutes, just moral norms. We, especially in the western world, forget that there are certain places that practice pain ritual, female circumcision, cannibalism, etc. These are things which we would consider wrong or perhaps immoral. To these such people, a thing such as cannibalism, which we would call murder, is simply a mode of ritual sacrifice or even nutritional subsistance.
    As for the aspect of killing, if we as a whole believed that killing was immoral, we would also believed that anyone who kills is also immoral. If this is true, then why is killing so justified under so many circumstances to so many people. Self defense, religious purpose, national pride, vengance of a loved one etc. Stealing can also be very circumstancial. It may not have occured to some people, but the salvation army doesnt collect for the poor in Tanzania. I believe that there are some perfectly sane, very moral people, who do not believe that there is anything wrong with certain forms of theft. I, for instance, do not believe that commercial piracy is wrong. I have my own, non-vindictive reasons for believing so.
    To those who believe that it is possible that everyone who is not immoral could possibly all believe in one thing is just as ignorant as to say “I have a blue button and a red button. Everyone must like the blue button more than the red button. Those that choose the red button are wrong.” Thank you for your time.

  11. T-Bone,

    its not that i didn’t know what i was talking about, it was more that i didnt care and didnt expect it to turn into what it did, making me not care even more because i was already uninthused enough.


  12. I do agree, Matt didn’t quite know what he was talking about… Or at least realize what he was getting himself into with he stated his answer. I just read what Madhatter had to say and I have to (more or less) agree with him.
    At least in the regards that moral absolutes don’t really exist over every culture and person. But to answer your question and kind of ignoring what madhatter said. I would have to still say that the Bible is good because it encourages you to love everybody, don’t cause them harm, and the stories within the Bible support it. The Bible is a source of morals because of how the stories are set up and the lessons that they teach. I have to agree with Matt/Butt in saying read it. Start at the beginning and go through it just like a regular book. I’m actually going to give it a shot in light of this argument. Good comment there Madhatter. I never really took into consideration other cultures.
    Peace out,
    T-Bone (Rob) <—–That’s my real name

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