Ind e-Pen V

The Ind e-Pen



Snood. Snood. Snood. I’m not going to tell you about snood. Snood is bad. Snood is the reason I almost didn’t write this issue. It’s more addictive than nicotine, cocaine, alcohol, and porn put together. It’s… well… a game of aim. And I’m not going to tell you to go to to download it. You’ll get addicted. First you’ll think, “how hard could this possibly be?” Then you’ll be hooked. So don’t download it, don’t see it, and above all, don’t play it. But you will. You all will. Just like I did. And, just like I did, you’ll wish you hadn’t. *sigh* Stupid addictions. Oh, yeah, here’s your viewsletter:

Ten Paces at nine,

I’m stuck in my room right now. If I leave, I run the potential of getting shot by my neighbor, Kyle. See, at some point during the day, I sort of got into a rubber-band fight with my two neighbors across the hall. It wasn’t a fair fight, though. I mean, first of all, I was never good at shooting rubber bands at people. I was equally likely to hit my own fingers as other people. Plus, it was just me against two people. Oh, and did I mention that I didn’t have any rubber bands?

So basically, two random guys just ganged up on me and started shooting rubber bands at me. It sort of reminded me of Middle School… or my high school drama club.

After the initial burst of fighting, the manly part of my conscience yelled to stop cowering in fear and stand up to my adversaries. So, at the whim of my momentary overdose of testosterone, I hid myself in my room and locked the door behind me. I was quite safe for about a minute before Kyle asked to be let in to work out a truce.

Kyle, being the expert negotiator he is, came in and declared that if anyone stepped outside of the hall, then the “122 Bandits” would shoot that person. In turn, I told him that if He stepped out of his room, the “111 Assassins” would attack Him.

Okay, maybe the 111 assassin. My roommate wasn’t too into the idea. Plus he didn’t want the “111” in it because he figured it would involve him too much. So I was the “assassin,” but that’s okay… never mind that they pointed out that the word assassin has two ‘ass’es and an ‘in’ in it. Whatever. Hey, I was in the moment, you can’t blame me for that.

That was about when he offered to duel me for my room rights. We stand back to back, walk ten paces, then turn around and shoot. Just like in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Or maybe not exactly like them. Because in Rubber Band Shoot Outs, ten paces is too many. And we didn’t reach. So we started over, with five paces instead. This time somebody did win. Me.

Yeah, that’s why I’m stuck in my room right now. Right.

So I lost my hallway priveleges for the night, but I’ll get them back tomorrow. You watch. I will…


People have died because they didn’t follow my advice. Like when I suggested that my friend quit smoking? Then, because she was out smoking, she got runover by a rampant bread truck.

Thoughts on Pennsylvania…

You know what surprises me about this place? How few snowball fights there are. I mean, where I’m from we have cactus, rock, and glob of dirt fights all the time… it’s usually just me against the Lovett law firm building, but at least I work up a sweat.

Thoughts on the Presidential Primary

I’ve got nothing… with the possible exception that I’m tired of hearing Dean’s concession speech. It’s being played out more than 9/11 now. Jeez.

One last thing:

Okay, there was a small problem with last week’s question. See, I personally thought that one guy would win (because my roommate has everything but a daily calendar about him. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for John Kerry and Starlit C. Hill), some other guy won. I forget his name. In any case, I accidentally sent out two prizes to two people instead of one. I apologize, this mistake will not happen again (unless it does). But anyway, congratulations to Starlit, your issue is on its way, and sorry about the constant berating over your political views.

Last Week’s Question: Who’s going to win the New Hampshire Caucus?

“Starlit’s Answer: John Kerry”

This Week’s Question: Is Punxsutawney Phil going to see his shadow on Monday? Should I go see him?


  1. The answer to your question about Punxatawney Phil is…..HE WILL SEE HIS SHADOW!

    Anyway, I thougth I would reply to your Ind ePen by writing a Mag ePen to you! So here goes:

    Question: What does “9 credits of English + 7 credits of Theatre + EMD 101 =??

    Like all math problems let’s break it down..
    9 credits of English equals- 12 novels and 9 poems
    7 credits of Theatre equals- 40 plays and 3 monologues
    EMD 101 equals = a quick one hour nap


    Either way, it’s going to be a long hard semester for me. The teacher are cool…the people are alright (except for my English 416/516 class..that’s right, I am taking a graduate level english class where everyone is a hippie).

    So I met a boy. HIs name is Joe and he is in a fraternity. He isn’t like the frat boys, this one is a Pre-Law/Philosophy major with a minor in Math. He’s super nice and we are very different, yet have a lot in common. We are “seeing” each other (I have no idea what that means but that is what we are) so it’s safe to say I’m happy with that.

    My birthday is in 8 days. I’m really excited. Turning 21…I never thought the day would come…

    So that is what is going on over here thus far. Stay warn in PA!

    “Play well or play badly, but play truly”-Stanislavsky

    “Always tell the truth. It’s the easiest thing to remember.”-David Mamet

  2. of course Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow, i know that guy. me and him used play poker back in the hood. that bastard always had an ace up his sleeve. granted back then he had short arms so the sleeves kept falling over his arms, still it is principal that counts.

    class of 2002 is #1. just like me. I AM THE GREATEST

  3. i talked to phil, he said he has come down with a major case of tuberculosis, so he isn’t going to go outside. i guess that means he won’t see his shadow. hehehe.
    i win.

    class of 2002 is #1. just like me. I AM THE GREATEST

  4. no…he won’t! (it’s going to snow too much soon and I don’t wanna slip on the melting snow on the street when it freezes over night) so, just watch Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.

  5. My snail address is

    P.O. Box 3165

    The Crosses New Mexico 88003

    So what extra curricular stuff are you doing? Are you really enjoying IUP? Have you heard from Jack, Alicia or Daniel? I run into Jack every once in a while. I guess he’s doing well. Well don’t work too hard and stay warm!

    “Play well or play badly, but play truly”-Stanislavsky

    “Always tell the truth. It’s the easiest thing to remember.”-David Mamet

  6. Punxsutawny Phil will indeed see his shadow. Then he will see the shadow of a giant anvil, which will drop on top of him. There will be six more weeks of winter (just not for Phil).

    Yes, you should go see it (I mean c’mon, how could you forgive yourself for missing Phil get squished into a pancake?!).


  7. Carolus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bad news! I saw some guy that looks like you on campus! And he was following
    me! I AM NOT KIDDING! He has hair down to his neck and he died it blond, where
    it used to be brown, he wears glasses just like yours and a leather jacket.
    Even his backpack looks like yours as well as his mode of dress. I mean
    seriously! Well except for the part about him following me, anyway. but pretty
    disturbing huh? A new Carolus! Dear God! The world is not prepared!


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