Ind e-Pen # XLIII, 200400854 or Pixel fought the law…

The Ind e-Pen
Before I get into this week’s e-mail, I’m surprised nobody knew the candidates for president in last week’s questions. David Cobb (Green), Michael Badnarik (Libertarian), and Michael Peroutka (Constitution) are all also running to be our next el presidente. I suggest you look up Peroutka, if only for entertainment value:

Case #200400854

So, anyway, back to my incessant war with the Parking Nazii.
Everyone hates their Parking Department. It doesn’t matter if you’re a regular Nazi, Jewish, or Palestinian- we all feel the same way when we find one of those little slips of paper on our windshield wipers.
Every year I go out of my way to prod people into imminent lawless action against the Parking Nazii (I also advocate Sedition against the United States every two years, but we’ll discuss that later).
Anyway, I won’t print any of the following until the matter is cleared up in the courts, but since I doubt many of you are in cahoots with the law, I’ll tell you what happened.

It all started when I came upon my automobile and noticed that it had a boot on it. No, it wasn’t preparing for winter or trying to make a fashion statement (the angry answer to both is: IT’S NEW MEXICO!!!), the Parking Nazii had booted my car for unpaid parking tickets.
“Now why, Carlos, would you park illegally if you had unpaid parking tickets?”
Well, I didn’t. I was parked legally, but according to University policy, they can tow or boot a car regardless of its status. Crap! Says I, so I changed the tire and drive home on the spare (this is the legal story. What you might call the *shakes his head no* truth).
The next day (yesterday, Friday, October 22, 2004), I went to my classes, then walked into the Parking Nazii office to contest the boot.
They were like “You can’t contest a boot,” and I was like ‘you can now, I wanna contest a boot,’ and they’re like “You can’t contest a boot,” and I’m like, ‘well I’m going to,’ and they’re like “You can’t contest a boot,” and I’m like ‘watch me,’ and they’re like “You can’t contest a boot,” and I’m like ‘yeah… I can,’ and they’re like “Well, it’s nice that you think that, but if you don’t pay the fine, we’re going to tow your car,” and I’m like, ‘that’s not a problem, I already took my car home,’ and they’re like “Stay right there so that I can come around and arrest you.”

I called my friend Alicia and asked her to see if she could get ahold of other people for me because I was being arrested.
This guy, Police Commander Stephen A. Lopez (505 646 3311) had everyone in the building working on getting my information and information against and about me. He patted me down, put all of my stuff in a bag and handcuffed me to a metal bench… more action than I get in an average schoolyear, but still.
Anyway, right then I asked for a lawyer which made Lopez call someone (probably the operator) and tell them “He asked for his lawyer, so take your time.”
They took my prints, got all of the ‘evidence’ they needed, and took a mugshot (all the while treating me like a spuzz. They tried the oldest Gestapo scare tactics imagineable. I half expected them to say my accomplice had already confessed. They took their time in processing me (just under four hours) so that no judge would be able to see me and so that I would have to spend the night in prison.
Then this one guy showed up (Inspector Charles Franco). He asked me why I wasn’t willing to give back the boot. I asked him what he was talking about. It seems that the charge (Larceny $250 to $2,500) required that I have no intention to return the item. A fact I was not made aware of until after I had already confessed to everything (everything being the NOT violating of the law).
They left me alone with a bald secretary-type man then (Supv Paul D. Stinnett I asked him if I could speak to Lopez (who you’ll recall was the spuzz that brought me there to begin with). When I didn’t want to look at his ugly Badnarik-type face, he was always there, but the moment I request him, he doesn’t show up for 50 minutes.
When he DID show up, he was a codswalloping asshole, saying “I can’t give you any advice, you requested a lawyer.” I tried to reason the matter out from what I could gather (seeing as they had never informed me of my rights or of what the charge they were charging me with was based on). So, listening to Lopez be an ass for another ten minutes, I talked to Franco (the detective fellow from earlier).
They took off my handcuffs, I walked into his office and we talked. He ‘talked to the DA/judge’ and he let me go on the condition that I bring the boot back that night. I did.

elapsed time arrested: 3:30
elapsed time before they read me my rights: 3:12
# of trips to Cruces and back (an 80 mile round trip): 2
# of friends who became aware of my predicament within minutes of it happening: 4.
# of friends that willingly came to see if they could get me out: 1.
Cops I now hate: 2
Cops I now like: 2.5 (the bald guy wasn’t so bad, and the guy I talked to when I brought the tire was downright likeable).
Parking Nazii I now hate: 1 (personally, I hate all of them as a group)
Parking Nazii I now like: 0.0000000000000
How old I was when I was first arrested: 19 years, 4 months, 23 days.

A Small Quiz:
I’m sorry to both T.Rob and Butt, but one of your answers– like one of your peni (psst! not T. Rob!)–is inadequate. Thus, no Pix Capacitor for anyone.

This Week:
1: Have you ever been arrested?
2: A purely hypathetical question: If your friend was arrested, and you knew about it, would you go see what you could do or stay home and wait for your mother to show up?
3: Any comments, questions, or concerns?

One comment

  1. Carlos,

    This Week:
    1: no. not once. ever.
    2: i would give him/her a stern lecture about how they should obey
    the law
    3: what do you mean by questions?


    and you know i should have won last weeks!

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