Ind e-Pen # XLIX, only three more baby, only three more…

The Ind e-Pen

Finals week! Yey! Go world! Now we can have a month off from stress and school where all we have to worry about is about what to get people for Kwanzaa or Channukah and whether our relatives twice removed really DID say that about us and “oh, you can t believe what SHE JUST DID, because I was standing there and then she walked by

without so much as wishing me good luck on the lottery, can you BELIEVE IT???”

… damn, when does school let back in again?

A Chanukkah Charol

“Good night and pleasant Channukah, Ebenezer Scroogenstein!” yelled Bob Catchesit, saying goodnight to his boss.
“Bah, Humbuggery!” Yelled Scroogenstein. “Pleasant Channukah? There isn t anything pleasant about it! If anything, this season completely interrupts the mojo I had going for me up until Thanksgiving. Bah, Humbuggery!”
And Bob Catchesit went home, slightly disheartened that, just like the previous seventeen years, he had not gotten a holiday bonus, and, just like the previous seventeen years, another one of his children was on the verge of death. This time it was Petite Tim. Oh, so sad…
Meanwhile, Scroogenstein went home to his large, yet empty mansion that he had gotten an extremely good deal on last Channukah (he had repossesed it from some poor Christian family).
“Bah, Humbuggery,” Scroogenstein said to himself, as if to remind us all that that was his catchphrase.
That evening, Scroogenstein awoke with a start. He had heard the sound of ghost chains on real stairs and he was scared as poop.

Then, as he stared at his door, the ghost of his old business partner, Jacob Marleysberg, walked through the door. Yes, THROUGH the door.
“Bah, Humbuggery! This was bound to happen. I mean, I m sure I wasn t the only one to notice the similarities to Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol!
“Shut Uuuuup, Scrooooooogenstein! You must repent, and be Slightly more generous to your employee, Bob Catchesit!”
“What, you don t want me to be Much more generous?”
“Of course not, we re Jewish.”
“If you ignoooooore me, Scrooooooogenstein, you shall be visited by the nine ghosts of Channukah!”
“Nine?? Why so many?”
“We ve had a bunch of unemployed ghosts since World War II. It s really not so bad, when we visited Woody Allen, we had the entire population of Auschwitz with us.”
“Oh. Very well then, when do these ghosts show up?”
“At precisely 8, 8:15, 8:45, 9:15, 9:45, 10:00, 10:15, 10:16, and a late haunting Friday and Saturday night only at 12 midnight. Now go baaaaack to sleeeeeeep, and you wait for these nine ghosts to show up every night this week.”
And so Scroogenstein was visited by nine separate ghosts every night that week. The ghost of Channukahs between 1946 and 1984 remarked how this had been a very enjoyable Channukah. The ghost of Channukah remorse replied that it could have been better.
Sadly, because of Scroogenstein’s terrible sleep apnea, he did not remember any of the ghosts except for the Ghost of Channukah Passover (she was pretty hot).
And as soon as he was able, he ran outside and asked a local boy, “What day is this?”
And the local boy replied, “Why, sir, it s Wednesday, December 8, 2004!”
“Oh,” thought Ebenezer, “say, Boy, is that Smoked Ham still available at the local Unsanitary Butcher s shop?”
“Eh, probably,” called out the boy, rapidly growing tired of this conversation.
“Go get it for me,” yelled Evenezer, throwing a coin at the Boy, “And keep the change!”
… he never saw the boy again…
So he went to the shop himself and bought the gigantic pig himself. He then took it to Bob Catchesit s house and gave it to him as a Channukah bonus. That night, all of Bob Catchesit s family ate happily.
Then, just a few short years later, they all died cruel deaths for having committed a mortal sin.
And Scroogenstein was happy, and all was good.

A Small Quiz:

A Boy is locked in a jail with two fellas: Ni and Nii. One of

them always tells the truth and one of them always lies. You have

one question for each of them. With that question, you must find out

who the liar is, who the truth-teller is, and what their names are…


One comment

  1. Carlos,

    I would ask which one has the two i’s at the end. then you’d know who is lying and who is who.


    (damn i’m sick of being right all the time)

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