Dear Gabe,
My cousin has a nose picking disorder, and recently it has become chronic. He told me that he had a mission to find his brain. I’m concerned for his disorder, and was wondering what could aide my cousin in his mission?
-Derry Aire

Dear Derry Aire,
And you
should be concerned for your cousin’s disorder. He’s going about it all wrong. By constantly picking his nose, he’s just giving his fingers a work-out, which makes them thicker. What he should do is get someone else— someone close to him— to pick his nose for him. This, Derry, is your job– nay, your duty, nay nay, your responsibility and privilege to do for him. Let me know how it goes.

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