Everyone else has had more sex than me

Literally. This Straight Edge stuff is hard.

But that’s me: Socially Promiscuous, Fiscally Conservative, but a Personal Prude.
Not only do I not drink, smoke, or do drugs, but I avoid meat, products that were tested on animals or created in sweatshops, religion, and prescription medicine.

You know, all of life’s little evils.

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