The Dyslexic’s Worst Nightmare

So I’m coming up with my own language now. I finally grew tired of seeing all the stupid letter shapes we have to deal with (j, s, e, f, g, et cetera), and decided to design my own alphabet.

Every letter in this new alphabet consists of either a circle or a straight line (arranged in different ways, obviously). In the end, I came up with 24 perfect shapes. I could have come up with more, but I didn’t respect the “C” sound or the “X” sound enough to think up original symbols for them.

Then I thought “Bah!” Why stop there. As long as I have a perfect alphabet, I might as well go one step further and assign a sound to each letter and a meaning to each vowel.

Then I thought, I’ll have eight vowels! After all, there are eight vowel sounds that I respect (at, ought, met, feet, the spanish ‘o’, moot, mutt, and mitt, respectively), and it’s always bothered me how each vowel can sound differently in different contexts. Not this tongue, thought I!

This tongue would be phonetic in a way Arabic could only dream of. Furthermore, each vowel will have a meaning of its own (in much the way A and I mean something in isolation). The meanings will henceforth be I, You, He/She/It, Of, The, Yes, Maybe, and No, respectively.

Then, I’ll make every single three letter combination into a word (for a total of just over 3000 words in three characters or less, including a character that always makes a word plural, a character that always makes a word past tense, and two or three other pre- and suffixes).

Yes, Pinky. This language will be efficient in a way no one has ever seen. None of this gradual evolution of language. No… this tongue will be INTELLIGENTLY DESIGNED!!

And they said I had too much time on my hands.


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