The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Tuesday, May 15, 2007, and sent via

Dear Pixel, circa October 2007:

Sometime I don’t get you. You left your job to travel the world and you ran out of money the first week. A ‘check logic’ light should have probably gone off in your head when you started planning your life on how to maximize the fun of a road trip. Texas sucks, by the way. You had to pay $400 in (two) tickets just because you were trying to get the hell out of there quicker. That’s where they get you: in the logic.

Anyway, all of the things you had thought you’d be doing at this point in your life are for naught. You’re broke, a graduate of college and back at home living with your mom. Man, you’re even embarrassing me! I’m ashamed to have to be seen with you, sometimes, really. Yikes.
Sure, you’re not stuck working 9-5 you hate, but you also have no money with which to travel the world. And, to top it all off— for some God-forsaken reason— “My Humps” is your favorite song.

I know you don’t have a plan now, but please have one by the time you get to where you are now. Please? PLEASE be looking to send applications to various institutions. PLEASE PLEASE have a job and some possible grad schools to go to. I want you to be happy with your life and that’s the only thing I can think of right now.

Actually, please kill yourself now. It’s better for all of us, really. Also, you could leave your life insurance to me and I could try to fix up your life for you.

Pixel, circa May 2007


p.s. The subject line was written when you were happier. There is no discord between that and this e-mail.

(I’m so cheerful to myself. It’s okay, though, I knew I was kidding.)


  1. Geez, RaJ is right! Wouldn’t a future me come in handy? Of course, if everyone had a future me, then no one would play the lottery anymore, because everyone would play the lottery, but everyone would win, so you’d only get a cash payout of like 85 cents, and then you’d think, well, this blows because I actually lost money on this deal, so the lottery system, which actually provides a great deal of revenue to the parks and schools of this, our great nation, would collapse, and the future would be changed irreparably, and all because you wanted to remind yourself to turn in an application or something. No, best not to have a future me.

  2. Your comment reminds me of a paper I wrote once that ended with:

    “… in conclusion, I disagree with everything I have just said.” 😆

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