The Trial of Sordon Gpurgeon, pt. 5 of 4

A quick note before you read this post. Everything here is completely true (with the mild exception that Frank’s real name is Daniel Davenport and my real name is Juan Reshawn Stolzalski, as previously discussed). I did not alter the quotes, the facts, or the story in any way. I’m not joking, kidding, and I haven’t planned this out. Everything happened when I say it happened and I had no idea that this story would end up like this until last night. That said, please enjoy the final chapter of this sordid tale. I did.

A few months ago, my friend Frank warned me against contacting Gordon again.

“Pixel,” he said, “what if you talk to him and he’s grown up? Like, what if he’s married and has two kids and works as a supervisor. And you talk to him about how crazy it was that he threw a desk at a teacher and he just laughs and says, ‘ho ho ho, oh, Pixel, I was just young and stupid back then. Now that I have to worry about my 401k, I don’t have time to do those crazy teenage antics.’ … What if you talk to Sordon Gpurgeon and he’s… normal??

I had this in mind earlier this week when we spoke on the phone. Frank turned out to be exactly right. Gordon did have two kids and he was a supervisor. But then he told me that we should get together on Saturday, seeing as he’d been kicked out of Amtgard (discussed in pt. 2 of 4) for wailing on someone a bit longer than he should have, and I thought that perhaps some of the fire was not yet gone. (“Well, the story depends on who you ask,” he laughed.)

Our conversation also revealed some other interesting information: it seems that Crystle (from pt. 3 of 4) had called him out of the blue at about the same time I’d contacted him. It seems that she, too, was thinking of moving to Seattle and wanted to see what he was up to. (“I thought you guys were playing a joke on me at first,” he said. I assured him we weren’t, as I have become really good at avoiding Crystle over the past 8 years.)

Yesterday, I drove down to Tacoma, Washington to visit Gordon (discussed in pt. 4 of 4). I called before I left, but his father picked up the phone. I explained who I was and asked if Gordon was going to be available later on in the day, as we had made plans to hang out.

“Pixel,” he said, “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but Gordon was arrested Thursday night.”

He didn’t tell me what Gordon had been arrested for, but he said that it seemed serious and he doubted whether Gordon would be out any time soon.

“I mean, short of trying to go down to the jail, I don’t know what to tell you. I’ll give him your number.”

Luckily, I had nothing else to do yesterday, so I went down to the Tacoma county-city building. I spent a few hours walking around the downtown area, trying to find someone who could give me information on how to find my friend, but to no avail. In the end, after 8 years and 2000 miles, some legal issues and ‘business hours’ kept me from finding out just what happened to my former best friend. Luckily, my current best friend had a way of looking at it that bookended this quite nicely:

“He’s so fucked up, he didn’t even have a way to tell you how fucked up he is. That is fucking awesome. The legend lives on.”1

  1. Oh, this sentence has swear words. Please don’t read it if you’re easily offended. []


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *