When you shoud discuss religion with me

9. I trained my clapping for two years. Now I can do what I call the ‘Sonic Clap,’ which deafens all children and puppies in the area… and not clap in any other way..

I have compiled a list of times when people should discuss religion with me:

  • When you agree with me.
  • When you don’t care very much for the subject.
  • When you want to lose an argument.
  • When you want to get mad at me.
  • When polite conversation just doesn’t cut it.
  • When in Rome…
  • When you want to learn something new.
  • When you want to think about things in a new way.
  • When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another.
  • When we’re in a neutral place.
  • When the referee has given me time to rest.

When you should not discuss religion with me

  • Most other times.1
  1. See, the problem is that I DO discuss religion if asked, even when I know the person asking does not agree with me.  You can see how this would tend to lead to arguments. []


  1. Discussing religion became much more difficult when I entered high school last year – partly because there are people intelligent enough to equivocate for infinite quantities of time, partly because there are people stubborn enough to make the same point over and over again and not realize I’m winning the argument.

    I sympathize with this list.

  2. I hate the feeling where you’re the only one that realizes you’re right.. It’s a kind fierce impotence that is more frustrating than anything. It’s strange, too, because I keep feeling like I should be discussing new arguments by now. It’s annoying to go over the same arguments again and again. Shouldn’t we have graduated to something new by now?

    How is high school, by the way? We’ve missed your way-too-smart-and-funny-for-your-age voice around here.

  3. School’s alright – it’s become apparent to me that there are, in fact, bad teachers about whom one can do nothing. I’m keeping very busy with theatre, hence it is difficult to muster the energy to write anything. Then, whenever I do write something, I realize that “Oh! That wasn’t so hard!”

    But the feeling is fleeting, so here we are.

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