Yeah, well that's generally what these feel like.

Emotional cheating

So I’m working out some stuff right now.  And… well you get to suffer.  It’s been a long time since I cared about my audience on this blog, so.  Whatever.  But, if my plugin works right, 99.6% of people won’t be able to read this anyway.  My only audience is people who use an IP address that begins with 96– verizon customers.  So, ha.

Anyway, I’m trying to understand why women1 think that emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating.  The way I imagine it is that they think that there’s still room to return to a partner if there’s been physical cheating, but not if they are emotionally cheating.  That is: it’s hard to win someone back who doesn’t want to be won back.

That makes sense insofar as I can see.  But I run into problems when I realize that it’s not a dichotomy.  There’s any number of things that you can do that are not emotional or physical cheating.  You can cheat on your taxes or in a board game.  You can also talk to the person.  Or you can just not cheat.

It seems like I’m making a silly point, but it’s important.  Because I can see myself messing up in a relationship in any number of ways.  I can see myself accidentally leading someone else on or going out on an ambiguous date.  I can see myself talking an inordinate amount of time with another girl or fanticizing about someone I’m not supposed to.  I can even see myself being kissed and making out with someone.

But I can’t see myself just sleeping with someone.  Not because I wanted to, not because I was drunk, not because I just wanted to see what it’s like.  No, I can’t see myself just sleeping with someone because I’m not the kind of person that fucks people I’m not in love with.  Actually, that’s a little too extreme.  But I’m not the kind of person that could sleep with someone I wasn’t already emotionally invested in. 2  So in my world, I would never physically cheat without emotionally cheating first.  And I would never get to physically cheating without being completely honest with my partner about it.  Which is to say I would never cheat.  At least not like that.3

So when I talk to people that don’t see it this way, I come away confused.  I don’t know what they mean.  Did they just skip to the endgame because they were bored or didn’t think the person was the type of person they would want intimacy with?  But then why do it in the first place?  Are they not satisfied with their life?  *sigh*

  1. hopefully not all, but at least some []
  2. There’s any number of cynical and not-so-cynical ways of explaining why that is.  For the present, let’s suppose we’re being optimists and I’m just an idealist. []
  3. That being sex. []

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