Me:I should gain weight.
Me:I should gain weight. Her: No Me: I should lose weight? Her: You’re perfect the way you are Me: Should I rapidly gain weight then lose it?
Just saw “Hangover 2.
Just saw “Hangover 2.” Or- as it should be called- “Hangover… Again.”
A sudden surge of creativity is the canary in the coal mine of my mind.
A sudden surge of creativity is the canary in the coal mine of my mind.
#repressedmemories – That time the girl I barely knew showed up to my birthday party with all my best friends.
#repressedmemories – That time the girl I barely knew showed up to my birthday party with all my best friends… then left after ten minutes
Missouri loves company.
Missouri loves company… or industry.. or residency. Really, they’d love just about anything right about now. But it’s an unrequited love.
Remind me to never again take 5 hour energy after breakfast.
Remind me to never again take 5 hour energy after breakfast.
How come the stupid Microsoft Office paperclip never asked if you wanted help turning it off?
How come the stupid Microsoft Office paperclip never asked if you wanted help turning it off?
I should stop having Irish coffees in the daytime.
I should stop having Irish coffees in the daytime. Have you ever tried to get a woman to go home and siesta with you? (Inspired by @cathyby)
What the hell is the point of decaf espresso? That’s like paying good money for placebo aspirin, non-alcoholic beer, or porous condoms.
What the hell is the point of decaf espresso? That’s like paying good money for placebo aspirin, non-alcoholic beer, or porous condoms.1 META POST: This post was an experiment. My hypothesis is that the path to lots of stars on…
“Officer, it wasn’t a hit & run– he just didn’t realize we were playing Calvinball.
“Officer, it wasn’t a hit & run– he just didn’t realize we were playing Calvinball.”
I was the Captain of my college’s Calvinball team.
I was the Captain of my college’s Calvinball team.
#repressedmemories – That time when my friend Amir tried to set me up with the unattractive girl and tried to make it seem like a favor.
#repressedmemories – That time when my friend Amir tried to set me up with the unattractive girl and tried to make it seem like a favor.
I bet the Highlander has the _Worst_ STDs.
I bet the Highlander has the _Worst_ STDs.
IUPAC has confirmed elements 114(Ununquadium) and 116(Ununhexium).
IUPAC has confirmed elements 114(Ununquadium) and 116(Ununhexium). Still unconfirmed: 113(Ununtrium), 115(Ununpentium) and 118 (Unobtanium).
We don’t see many female politicians in sex scandals.
We don’t see many female politicians in sex scandals. Is it because women are more faithful or because there aren’t many female politicians?
Say what you will about Rep.
Say what you will about Rep. Weiner. But to admit a thing like that… it takes a lot of balls.
Hey, you guys remember “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.
Hey, you guys remember “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.” … I don’t know why I just thought of that. I bet Anyhony Weiner knows.
#repressedmemories – that time my brother’s friend said he’d beat me up if I “turned out gay.
#repressedmemories – that time my brother’s friend said he’d beat me up if I “turned out gay.” I wonder where he is now.. Should I sext him?