54) Me: “That’s a terrible outfit.
Me: “That’s a terrible outfit.” Her: “You obviously don’t watch America’s Next Top Model.” Me: “Why? Because I’m straight?”
16) I need to make a work out mix.
I need to make a work out mix. I feel weird doing squat thrusts to the Reading Rainbow theme.
Teaching would be the best job if only there were no students.
Teaching would be the best job if only there were no students.
Me: Ludacris is just reclaiming the word ‘ho’: he’s not using it to be offensive.
Me: Ludacris is just reclaiming the word ‘ho’: he’s not using it to be offensive. Her: Reclaiming it from whom! Me: Feminists, obviously.
“With great privilege comes great responsibility.
“With great privilege comes great responsibility.” – Bourgeois Uncle Ben
This update serves only to inform you all that I am awake– I have been trying to print for two hours– and I hate everyone who is asleep.
This update serves only to inform you all that I am awake– I have been trying to print for two hours– and I hate everyone who is asleep. I take that last tweet back. I don’t hate everyone who is asleep. I…
English accents make the Nature Podcast sound so respectable.
English accents make the Nature Podcast sound so respectable. Unless, of course, p’s sound like t’s and someone says “Ship Graveyard.”
I just picked up eight of the (very rare) tickets for my friend’s graduation ceremony.
I just picked up eight of the (very rare) tickets for my friend’s graduation ceremony. Did I say eight? I meant six: I wanna put my feet up.
It would be really sweet if my childhood crush saved all my love letters.
It would be really sweet if my childhood crush saved all my love letters. It would be less sweet if they were unopened.
A question that’s on my mind: Who would win in a fight: Mahatma Gandhi or a ravenous Saber-Tooth Tiger? #hilariouslymismatchedfights
A question that’s on my mind: Who would win in a fight: Mahatma Gandhi or a ravenous Saber-Tooth Tiger? #hilariouslymismatchedfights
Gluten-free cakes, flourless cookies, vegan crabcakes.
Gluten-free cakes, flourless cookies, vegan crabcakes… Why is it that everything at Whole Foods an exercise in constrained cooking?
My favorite candy holidays: 1.
My favorite candy holidays: 1. Halloween 2. Christmas 3. Valentine’s Day 4. Arbor Day 5. Easter Why does pastel make candy taste horrible?
Rules for Shotgun
I swear to god, I thought I’d written this down before… In reference to the last episode and taken from this website and this other one: Shotgun must be said audibly to all present or the person’s hand must be…
Things I did not realize before I started trying to keep a stocked bar: club soda?tonic water and puckers?sours.
Things I did not realize before I started trying to keep a stocked bar: club soda?tonic water and puckers?sours. Also, puckers are useless.
Every living graduate defends alone.
Every living graduate defends alone.
Some people are social drinkers.
Some people are social drinkers. I’m an anti-social drinker.
“Let’s think about some examples of causation.
“Let’s think about some examples of causation. Perhaps eating a cookie or stabbing a hobo, to take two recent examples.” –Me in class today
A guy just knocked to ask me if I wanted warehouse-priced leftover meat from the back of his van.
A guy just knocked to ask me if I wanted warehouse-priced leftover meat from the back of his van. #thistowniscreepy #wtf #Imvegetarianbro