54) Me: “That’s a terrible outfit.
Me: “That’s a terrible outfit.” Her: “You obviously don’t watch America’s Next Top Model.” Me: “Why? Because I’m straight?”
Me: “That’s a terrible outfit.” Her: “You obviously don’t watch America’s Next Top Model.” Me: “Why? Because I’m straight?”
I need to make a work out mix. I feel weird doing squat thrusts to the Reading Rainbow theme.
Teaching would be the best job if only there were no students.
Me: Ludacris is just reclaiming the word ‘ho’: he’s not using it to be offensive. Her: Reclaiming it from whom! Me: Feminists, obviously.
“With great privilege comes great responsibility.” – Bourgeois Uncle Ben
This update serves only to inform you all that I am awake– I have been trying to print for two hours– and I hate everyone who is asleep. I take that last tweet back. I don’t hate everyone who is asleep. I…
English accents make the Nature Podcast sound so respectable. Unless, of course, p’s sound like t’s and someone says “Ship Graveyard.”
I just picked up eight of the (very rare) tickets for my friend’s graduation ceremony. Did I say eight? I meant six: I wanna put my feet up.
It would be really sweet if my childhood crush saved all my love letters. It would be less sweet if they were unopened.
A question that’s on my mind: Who would win in a fight: Mahatma Gandhi or a ravenous Saber-Tooth Tiger? #hilariouslymismatchedfights
Gluten-free cakes, flourless cookies, vegan crabcakes… Why is it that everything at Whole Foods an exercise in constrained cooking?
My favorite candy holidays: 1. Halloween 2. Christmas 3. Valentine’s Day 4. Arbor Day 5. Easter Why does pastel make candy taste horrible?
I swear to god, I thought I’d written this down before… In reference to the last episode and taken from this website and this other one: Shotgun must be said audibly to all present or the person’s hand must be…
Things I did not realize before I started trying to keep a stocked bar: club soda?tonic water and puckers?sours. Also, puckers are useless.
Every living graduate defends alone.
Some people are social drinkers. I’m an anti-social drinker.
“Let’s think about some examples of causation. Perhaps eating a cookie or stabbing a hobo, to take two recent examples.” –Me in class today
A guy just knocked to ask me if I wanted warehouse-priced leftover meat from the back of his van. #thistowniscreepy #wtf #Imvegetarianbro