All the flaws

I remember when @narfna and I were applying to graduate school (years and years ago). And I remember thinking that it was pretty horrible. “It’s like putting all of your flaws on paper and asking a stranger to love you anyway,” I would say. Only it’s worse, because you only put the flaws you’re aware of. Somehow the people hiring you are able to find extra flaws. It’s a pretty disheartening experience. Given that I’m going through a very similar process now, I’ve decided to do this literally. Maybe I can learn something in the process


I eat poorly, exercise infrequently, have a poor physique, and one of those faces that’s got character, but not much handsomeness. I’m told my head is shaped like a strawberry, but I really think it looks like a complete sphere. I injured my knee while MMA fighting and have never quite recovered.


My nohari says I’m insecure in many respects, but smug & self-satisfied in others. I don’t really know what that means. I know I’m nowhere near as smart as I think I am. And I don’t think I’m as clever as I pretend.


I’m withdrawn, distant, and overdramatic1. Every other year or so I have a major depressive episode from which I cannot seem to escape.


Oh, man. I love my friends and family, but I go for months at a time without communicating with even those closest to me. But if anybody calls me (including people I dislike), I will spend time with them. This means I spend most of my time with people I don’t really care for. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m working to fix it. I hate hearing about people’s days or life and only like discussing crazy hypotheticals. I’m not convinced I will ever love somebody in the same manner and at the same time as they love me.


I do not love what I do and am trained at something nobody wants to hire me for. I’m not as good of a writer as I pretend (and my girlfriend constantly reminds me of this in a non-constructive manner). I haven’t read or written nearly enough to justify half of the things I claim. I have a poor work ethic for any particular task. This means I can get lots done as long as it’s not what I should be doing.


I have never had savings and have been in debt since 2005. I always thought I’d be able to pay everything back as soon as I got a real job, but this possibility seems more and more remote every day.

  1. seriously, I mean, come on! I’m only doing poorly in a stupid job search. First world problems much? []