My Best and Worst Case Scenarios, pt. III

(Continued from here)

A lot has happened, both in the past year and over the past decade, but I haven’t really had the chance to process it until recently. I’ve been thinking about this idea I had a while ago and decided to do a follow-up.

Where I am: I’m currently a tenure-track assistant professor in a western state. I was in a engaged to a beautiful, loving, giving, brilliant, wonderful human being, but… well, that’s the subject of another post. Suffice it to say, Now I’m treading water in a pandemic and wearing a mask more out of social obligation than any desire to live or be healthy.

Okay. Assessment time. Did I become the best me I could be?

I did end up traveling the world, but not living places, like I’d expected. That’s okay. Traveling seemed so much greater when I was young than it does now. I like lots of parts of what I am and think I sometimes do meaningful stuff. That’s good, I guess.

How about the reverse? Was my worst-case scenario realized?

I didn’t end up getting stuck in a journalism career, but I think the thing that bothered me in the past was the feeling of stagnation. Now, even though my job has career advancement possibilities, I feel somewhat stagnant. I did end up breaking the hearts of everybody I’ve ever loved… which is the subject of another post. Crossroads and stagnation. My worst-case scenario is having my own mind, it’s not what happens to me. That’s depressing.

Did I make my best & worst case scenarios too event and accomplishment driven? The quality of a life isn’t dictated by what happens in it, of course, but how we react to it and what we make of it.. Let me try again:

Current Best-Case Scenario (for, say, 2025):

The who I love, whether I’ve hurt them or helped them, lead content and meaningful lives. I die in a ditch somewhere.

Current Worst-Case Scenario (for 2025):

I continue to wallow in the past, people are worse off for knowing me, and I am never forgiven. I die in two ditches somehow.

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