We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity,…
Given that this is the darkest timeline, I’ve decided to grow a van Dyck beard
One positive thing I will do is register as a Republican and vote for the least crazy person every primary.
Oh the bright side, when sea levels rise, there will be less of Florida.
We had an Arab Spring, the world is now experiencing a White Winter.
Orange is the new black. Probably everyone thought of that tweet, right?
The U.S. just elected the Orange Brexit.
Moving to Canada after a Trump victory is the equivalent of moving to Poland from Nazi Germany.
I call this my Screw You Map: #wheresmy538dotcom #natesilvermoney This is my Pissed Off Latino Map. I think I’ll be right about everything but Texas and maybe Arizona.
INTERNET: Please start working on the Supercut of @realDonaldTrump insulting @MittRomney and @SenJohnMcCain’s election results vs. his own.
I don’t think a Trump presidency would ruin the republic, the economy, and the world… but I’m not certain it won’t either.
Hey guys, apparently there’s an election going on. Whoa. Twitter- why didn’t you let me know??
New Scientist comes out against Trump. Probably hurts, but at least he has endorsements from the KKK, so…
If we latinos save the republic, will you guys join me for celebratory tacos? #TacoTuesday #TacoTrucksOnEveryCorner
Just a reminder to anybody who might be affected. On Monday, delete all of your negative tweets about #Trump. Just in case this is 1930s .
There has never been a comic more true than this one:
Why didn’t @JohnKasich vote for one of the registered third party candidates? Was he worried he’d throw too much support to @PresidentBeard?
People are upset over Game of Thrones spoilers. What I really want is spoilers for how November 8 will go.
We wonder why these scandals are coming out now. But we’d be saying the same thing in an #AlternateElection about solving the Zodiac letter.
The country wants a French Revolution. I’d be okay if we all just caught up with the Copernican Revolution.
2016, the year America really *got* Bill Murray’s plight in Groundhog Day.
Can we live in the #alternateelection? Literally any one would be fine
What was the big scandal this time in 2012? Flag pins maybe? Oh yeah, it was Obama skillfully handling a natural disaster. #goodoledays
Good point, Donald. Romney released his tax returns very late in the election. What a horrible messenger.
Looking for a costume at Party City. It’s so hard to find a Waldo here.
I want Donald Trump to lose big league.
Whenever this election gets me down, I think of Ted Cruz’s horrible timing and I just laaugh and laaaaugh.
The Guardian is always weirdly good at making infographics for American elections:
That’s it, 2016 scares me. I’m going to take my wife, son, and daughter and hide out in a bunker until January. It’ll be a *Nuclear* bunker.
I’m such a believer in evidence-based decision making that when the evidence came out against evidence-based decision making, I did too.
Seeing the family seated before the #debate feels like a mustached evil doer just tied these poor people to some railroad tracks. The #debate takes a turn. @HillaryClinton made @realDonaldTrump mad in the first fifteen minutes. I… can’t even. Can…
Poor @tedcruz, such bad timing. He must be doing the hokey pokey of endorsements.
I just met someone who isn’t following the election. I just looked at him like he’d told he doesn’t know how to put on pants.
I wonder if @realdonaldtrump realizes how ironic it is that he isn’t a billionaire even in absolute value.
Barack Obama was the first black president. He’ll either be followed by the first female president or the first orange president. Historic.
If I don’t like the #debate, can I get a rebate?
The title of this post is wrong. I once described getting older as living through parts you’d once thought were obvious, but now find thorny and difficult. This post isn’t about that. It’s about how I’m now a tenure-track assistant…
Smelling salts haven’t really been as popular since they invented tasting salts.
Japanese toilets have every option except for two-ply. #gaijinproblems #japan
Movie poker is so unrealistic. The hero always wins with a pocket Royal Flush. Not like the off-suit Jack-high hands I usually lose to.
Stop asking me what Latinos think. Ask a pollster. I can tell you how I feel about stuff, but come on!
Guy at Starbucks is singing & muttering in a corner: “white liberals” and “get ‘em Donald!” If I didn’t think he was crazy before, I do now.
New England is becoming less and less religious. People are leaving mass en masse in Mass.
Hey, @realdonaldtrump, this infographic may be very useful for you:
I’ve lost 20 pounds. Not because of diet or exercise, just xenophobia. #brexit