Four-saken

In 2000, my brother and his friends Gilbert, Sergio, and Richie moved into an apartment together. Six months later, my brother left the house and only remained friends with Gilbert, who also moved out.

In 2002, my friends Miguel, Pamela, Leia, and Katherine moved into a house together. Six months later, Miguel and Pam moved out and Leia and Katherine moved out, each pair not speaking to the other for the next year or two.

In 2004, my friends Sarah, Kassidy, Jesus, and Manny wanted to move in together. I begged them not to. I told them that they would never be friends again. I pleaded with them to no avail. They moved into a small apartment together. Four months later, Jesus moved out in anger and refused to speak to them. Kassidy tried to reason that my so-called ‘curse’ had been broken and the only casualty was Jesus.. two months later, Kassidy and Manny– boyfriend and girlfriend (respectively) for four years– split up and stopped speaking to each other.

My former roommate/hallmate/buddy Trumpet Rob’s brother Patrick is now planning to move in with his three friends.

I wish people would listen to me. If you like your friends, don’t move in with them. I don’t think that there’s a legitimate curse, but it’s hard enough to find one person you can get along with enough to see daily, let alone three.

If all of your potential roommates don’t fit the following qualifications, forget about it:

• Similar tastes in music and/or music volume level.
• Equal levels of cleanliness and expected cleanliness.
• Financial means.
• Friends you can tolerate.
• Respect for each other’s opinions, beliefs, and mannerisms.
• Roughly similar schedules or belief in the importance thereof.
• Compatible attitude, sense of humor, and intelligence/athletic ability or compatible beliefs in the importance thereof.
• Roughly equal ethicality/measure of importance of money/utility usage.
• Not a back-stabbing, snide bitch from hell.

I’ve been lucky to find 3 out of the past 6 roommates who fit all nine characteristics.

Oh, and I almost forgot the most important one:

• Communication.

Friggin’ A is communication important. I mean, haven’t you ever played the Sims?

In 2000, my brother and his friends Gilbert, Sergio, and Richie moved into an apartment together. Six months later, my brother left the house and only remained friends with Gilbert, who also moved out. In 2002, my friends Miguel, Pamela, Leia, and Katherine moved into a house together. Six months later, Miguel and Pam moved…