I took the Graduate Records Examination today, which, for those of you who are not aware, is the equivalent of two SATs and a swift kick to the groin.
I woke up early, had a good, light breakfast and went to the test center an hour early. To my surprise, they let me in. They took my picture, quizzed me on myself and made me sign an affidavit saying I was who I said I was (I was). They sat me down in a specific spot under a camera and told me they’d look at my scratch sheet of paper when I finished to debate whether I’d cheated or not. Finally, they took a urine sample, a blood sample and did a prostate exam, just for fun.
Before I could be let into the room, I had to put all my personal belongings (including pens, watches and gum) in a locker. The only thing I was allowed to take with me was a key to my locker and my ID, which they conveniently put in a plastic sleeve attached to the key ring.
“Put everything in locker number eight,” she said as she handed me the key with the plastic sleeve.
All I saw was the plastic bag, which seemed barely big enough to fit my ID and all I heard was “Put everything…” So I tried to put everything in the plastic sleeve.
The lady looked at me stupefied as one of my pens fell out of the bag and repeated the instructions.
Again, I didn’t hear her and tried to cram another pen into this sleeve. She tried to explain it a third time, but gave up and took the key back and showed me to my locker.
“Oh,” I said, “Put everything into locker number eight. You really should have been more clear about that.”
I took the test, signed out, handed her my ID and key and asked her if I could get my ID back. She gave me my ID back. I walked outside and turned around instantly. I asked her if I could get the key back to get back into the locker. She nearly exploded.
- Quantitative: 800
- Verbal: 620
- Common Sense: 200
(this joke only makes sense if you realize that GRE scores range from 200 to 800… sorry about that.)