It’s funny because it’s happening to somebody else

I like ethics. It’s what I study while I should be working as a bookie. But, for a guy who studies ethics for fun and profit, you might be surprised to find that I have a few ethical pickles of my own. Here’s three:

The Other Girl

I know a couple, let’s call them Hubert and Katalina, who have been dating for a long period of time. In that time, they have broken up several times. They’ve both also cheated on each other a few times (though each only knows about a few of those times). Recently, I went to go visit Hubert’s ex-girlfriend and my good friend, Felixia. A few months ago, he had driven the four hours to her house and slept with her. Since then, he’s been texting and calling Felixia non-stop, telling her that he wants to get back together with her and that they should run away together. Katalina has no idea that this is occurring under her nose. In fact, she nearly broke up with him just for going to visit Felixia! (Or so she thought)  To complicate matters, Katalina and Hubert have just moved in together.

Do I have an obligation to inform Katalina about Hubert’s actions?  If Hubert and Felixia are closer friends, does that eliminate any obligations I may have to Katalina?  What is the right thing to do?

Deontological thing to do: Tell Hubert to tell his girlfriend how he feels about Felixia. Tell him it’s not fair to Katrina and that if he doesn’t, I will.

Consequentialist/Easy thing to do: Nothing. Let the STD-ladden train-wreck continue.

Virtue Ethics thing to do: Tell Katalina, possibly in haiku form. ((Hubert is a douche / He slept with his ex-girlfriend / And he still loves her))

What I did: Changed Katalina and Felixia’s phone numbers on Hubert’s cell phone, expecting hilarity to ensue. It did not. He figured it out right away. Now I’m writing a blog post about it.

Behind his back!

A friend of mine, let’s call him Mortimer, has a huge bald spot. He once had a luxurious head of hair, but now it’s thinning: noticeably. His friends recently told me that they wish he’d get a haircut, or at least wear a hat. It looks disgusting and they express disgust over having to see it daily. One of his friends told me that I should be the one to break the news to him: it’s better if one of his friends does it. I can never think of a good way to say it, nor a good time to bring it up. His terrible hair is now very obvious, but nobody has said anything, so I have a feeling it’s going to be a bad conversation.

What is the right thing to do?


Deontological thing to do: Tell him.

Consequentialist thing to do: Send him an anonymous message, telling him how bad it looks and that he should also lose some weight.

Virtue Ethics thing to do: Be courageous, or something.

What I did: Avoid him.

He my baby-daddy!

A relative of mine, let’s call him Sancho, has a wife, Sancha, and a child, Sanchito. Sancho and Sancha married after knowing each other for just six months. Furthermore, after they married, he was away on business for six-month intervals almost regularly. Last year, they had a kid. Now, Sancho has realized that he never loved his wife. He was just infatuated with her and is no longer sure whether he should stay. He has a friend who stayed in an unhappy marriage for the children. His friend eventually developed an alcohol and drug problem, possibly as a means of escape. Sancho refers to that friend as an example of why staying with his wife is not a good idea. Sancho argues that his friend would have eventually manned up and been a good father if he had decided to leave his wife early on. Then he asked me whether I thought he should leave his wife.

What should I have said?


Deontological thing to do: Tell him it is his duty to stay with his wife and brood-spawn now.

Consequentialist thing to do: Tell him to leave his wife, but send her lots of money regularly.

Virtue Ethics thing to do: Tell him to man up and stay in a doomed marriage for the rest of his life.

What I did: Said “I told you so.”

In conclusion: Everyone around me leads a messed up life. I wonder if it’s a coincidence.

I like ethics. It’s what I study while I should be working as a bookie. But, for a guy who studies ethics for fun and profit, you might be surprised to find that I have a few ethical pickles of my own. Here’s three: The Other Girl I know a couple, let’s call them Hubert…