The ABCs of Dating

Suppose A is dating B. They’ve dated for a while, but now A no longer has any feelings for B. A has two options:

1) break up with B (or take a break, whatever).
2) not break up with B, and keep it to herself.

What would be the ethical thing to do? I said that as a male, I’d choose (2), but as a member of the human race, I’d hope people would pick (1).

Let’s fix this by assigning value to each. Under (1), B would feel bad and A would feel bad that B felt bad (total feelings: -1.5). Under (2), A would feel slightly bad. Indeed, this would progress over their relationship until A felt so bad, and possibly resentful, that she would have to break up with B (total feelings: -0.5–>-1.0).

Indeed, this wouldn’t be worth it for A unless there were someone else for A to date. A person C, if you will.
Adding C, we get:

3) A leaves B, A & C get together, B resents C.
4) A leaves B, A & C do not get together.
5) A stays with B, A resents B for a missed opportunity with C.
6) A stays with B, A does not resent B.

Under (3), C gets 1 point, B loses 1, and A gets 0.5 (A feels bad for making B feel bad, but good for being with C). Under (4), A & B each lose a point, C stays neutral to negative 0.5 (-2.0 –> -2.5). Under (5), B stays neutral to positive 0.5, C stays neutral to negative 0.5, and A is negative 0.5 (-1.0 –> 0.0). Under (6), B stays neutral to positive 0.5, A stays neutral to positive 0.5, and C stays neutral to negative 0.5 (-0.5 –> 1.0).

Adding in some probabilities, then, lets us know the proper course of actions. Should A & B break up, what are the odds that A & C will get together? The provided percentage was 80. So if we multiply (3) x .8, (4) x .2, (5) x .8, and (6) x .2 (0.5 x .8, -2.5 x .2 –> -2.0 x .2, -1.0 x .8 –> 0.0 x .8, -0.5 x .2 –> 1.0 x .2)

We get (3)= 0.4, (4)= -0.5 –> -0.4, (5)= -0.8 –> 0.0, (6)= -0.1 –> 0.2.
Adding together (3) & (4) and (5) & (6), as would behoove us seeing as there are really only two courses of action for A (1 & 2), we get:

breaking up = -0.1 –> 0.0,
staying together = -0.9 –> 0.2.

Meaning that the greatest good (and also the greatest bad) can be achieved by staying together. It’s all up to the gambling mindset of person A.

But really what is between A & C? It’s really just B.

And not just alphabetically.

Suppose A is dating B. They’ve dated for a while, but now A no longer has any feelings for B. A has two options: 1) break up with B (or take a break, whatever). 2) not break up with B, and keep it to herself. What would be the ethical thing to do? I said…