How did you enjoy the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

Least sensitive things ever said:

• Ooh, look, they have some early morning fireworks over by the World Trade Center!
• How was it living on beach-front property for 14 years, Mr. Dantes?
• Oh, it was terrible! You don’t know what it’s like to be alone for so long, Mr. Crusoe!
• Mr. Roosevelt, sir, do you want to go for a quick jog after your fireside chat?
• Marie Antoinette, I take it you don’t want cake as your last meal?
• Yeah, the surf off Indonesia was okay, but it was no tsunami!
• You’d think thousands of hours of unpaid child slave labor would produce better diamonds, but I guess not.
• What, the man you thought was your father actually abducted you from your real parents and sodomized you for years until you grew to old for his tastes and he kidnapped some other kid, thus giving you eternal trauma, an inability to trust and feelings of inadequacy? Wow, sucks to be you.
• I don’t know, I just don’t buy the story that Helen Keller wasn’t a completely useless invalid.
• Mrs. Smith, your son just died in Vietnam…  on the bright side, he was the last person to die for a mistake!

Least sensitive things ever said: Ooh, look, they have some early morning fireworks over by the World Trade Center! How was it living on beach-front property for 14 years, Mr. Dantes? Oh, it was terrible! You don’t know what it’s like to be alone for so long, Mr. Crusoe! Mr. Roosevelt, sir, do you want…