A very Charlie Brown question
Despite my best efforts, I am not a woman. As such, I often have questions for men who are women… maybe women who are women can answer too.
What type of regrets do women have?
I’ll illustrate this question with a Charlie Brown example.
See, Charlie Brown was very enamored of the little red-headed girl, but never worked up the courage to ask her out (photo notwithstanding). I imagine Charlie Brown growing up to be a cartoonist, constantly writing comics with themes about his own inability to work up the courage to ask a girl out. I also imagine him having trust issues over Lucy’s constantly pulling the football out from under him…. and balance issues for always falling. (Have you ever fallen while kicking anything? Maybe he has a balance issue.)
The reason I mention this is that Charlie Brown will always think the blame was his. He never asked her out.
Now suppose this is an alternate world in which the little red-head girl likes Charlie Brown too. Suppose she has a thing for bald 8-year-olds who constantly wear the same clothing. But, years later, he never asked her out. Suppose she regrets that this never occurred. How would she frame this regret in her mind?
Will the blame be hers? Will she regret that he never asked her out? How does second-order regret even work?
I ask because I seriously don’t know. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a woman. All of my regrets are perfectly first-order.
Despite my best efforts, I am not a woman. As such, I often have questions for men who are women… maybe women who are women can answer too. What type of regrets do women have? I’ll illustrate this question with a Charlie Brown example. See, Charlie Brown was very enamored of the little red-headed girl,…
she thinks he probably never liked her anyway. and that they were 8, so, hmm. it wouldn’t have mattered in the long run anyway.
and as a former little red-headed girl, i have to tell you, i never had a thing for a bald 8 year old. i preferred the boys with hair. but maybe that’s just me.
i agree that the girl probably didn’t think that CB would like her in that way. rejection sucks, regardless of gender. in an effort to circumvent disappointment, it is a common human tactic to become cautious, to abstain, to maintain a distance from risk, despite potential reward. i believe it is something that we have all dealt with.
as for the issue of regret, that may be a question of emotional maturity, in accepting the terms one’s own actions, or, in this case, lack of action. not making a decision (ie. not making a move) is, in essence, making a decision, as far as the effect of the non-action is forseeable.
dammit hume, get out of my head.
the girl must know, a priori, that:
a) If CB doesn’t ask her out, the only chance that she has is by asking him out.
(Middlemen excluded in this scenario)
And learns a posteriori:
b) CB doesn’t ask her out.
By expecting that these conditions will continue, the girl must understand her critical role in the desired communication. She understands her own choice before considering the potential choice that she might create for CB. That the girl is the agent of the original action infuses her with responsibility for this action (making or not making the move). A rational little girl could never blame CB.