Philosopher’s Stone Zeus 1
- by Pixel
Pixel Q. Styx: We here at the PIX CAPACITOR think about crazy stuff. And we don’t mean crazy as in “the alien squirrels are hoarding all of the color yellow and the government knows about it!” we mean interesting things like, “42?” “poot?” and “Do the Gods really exist?”
Zeus: YES, WE DO.
Pixel: Which brings us to our new guest. Here to discuss religion, the gods, and sorority girls going wild is none other than fabled Greek God, Zeus.
Zeus: I’M ACTUALLY NOT SO MUCH FABLED AS I AM APOLOGUED.
Pixel: So, Mr. Zeus, where have you been all these years? There hasn’t been any new reports on you since around 200 B.C.
Zeus: I’ve been busy devirginizing Mary.
Pixel: That’s terrible!*
Zeus: Oh, she wasn’t so bad.*
Pixel: I would have imagined that she’d have been deflowered when Jesus was conceived.
Zeus: If she was, then YHWH is hung like a flea.*
Pixel: YHWH? Oh, you mean the Judeo-Christian conception of God? Yahweh.
Zeus: “Judeo-Christian conception of God?” Who ever says that other than non-Judeo-Christians? Oi vey…
Pixel: I just don’t want to alienate my fans… besides, I just plain hate Judeo-Christians
Zeus: Ha ha. Don’t we all?**
Pixel: So you admit Yahweh exists?
Zeus: Yes, in the hearts of children everywhere.
Pixel: Um…
Zeus: He’s a myth. But myths are real as long as people really believe in them.*
Pixel: Really?
Zeus: No.* Not really.** I’m just yanking your chain.***
Pixel: Oh.
Zeus: Sorry, I’m just a bit jealous. Christianity all but killed polytheism.
Pixel: Yeah, but the very first commandment implicitly states that other gods exist.
Zeus: Pfft! Yeah, like Christians read their Bible. How often have you seen a Christian eat shrimp or pork? And I’m using pork as a verb there.
Pixel: Okay, okay, I don’t want to tick off my fans here…*
Zeus: Oh, don’t worry about it, Leviticus explicitly states that your way of life is an abomination.*
Pixel: Wow. I so did not expect that to be a gay joke.
Zeus: Actually, it was more of a bestiality joke.
Pixel: Eew!
Zeus: Hey, don’t knock it till you try it.
Pixel: Fair enough. Wow. That was a first. I don’t think I’ve ever been zinged by a god before.
Zeus: Oh, I seriously doubt that. I mean, have you ever stood in front of the mirror naked?
*Fact may not necessarily be true
**The Pix Capacitor does not warrant or endorse anything printed in the Pix Capacitor.
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Pixel Q. Styx: We here at the PIX CAPACITOR think about crazy stuff. And we don’t mean crazy as in “the alien squirrels are hoarding all of the color yellow and the government knows about it!” we mean interesting things like, “42?” “poot?” and “Do the Gods really exist?”Zeus: YES, WE DO.Pixel: Which brings us…