When you’ve had enough humor… have Anti-Humor!
- by Pixel
So this guy dies right and he goes up to Heaven and when he’s at the pearly gates he- oh wait, nevermind, he just rots in the ground.
What do you get when you stick a knife in a baby?
A life-sentence in jail.
How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
A man walks into a bar
He drinks 6 Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life.
What’s worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.
When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied “No. No I don’t.”
What’s sad about 4 black people in a Cadilliac going over a cliff?
They were my friends.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new house?
No.
Well, it’s really nice.
What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.
What’s the deal with airline peanuts?
The packaging is generally poorly designed and cheaply made, as a method of cutting distribution costs. After all, most passengers wouldn’t want a “Peanut Fee” attached to their already costly ticket prices in order to cover the expenses of higher quality wrappers. What are you complaining about, anyway? It’s free food, and it’s a nice snack. If you’re really that bent on not enjoying the peanuts the airline so graciously provided you with, just save them and give them to the next homeless person you see. People these days are really selfish.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I imagine it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to reach a ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had enough mice to lend their strength to such an endeavor, the chances of them having the intelligence and wherewithall to perform suich a complex activity is really quite low.
I just flew in from LA, and boy are my arms tired. This is because they had run out of carts at Charlotte Douglas, and I had to lug two extremely heavy suitcases all the way from the baggage carousels to my car. I think I might have pulled a muscle in my arm.
Related posts:
- Don’t you just love my new labels? This way you don’t have to read the posts that don’t interest you. For instance, the entire month of May… Have you ever heard something that made you laugh or chuckle? But then you go back and analyze it and you find out that you have no idea what the person’s angle is or what...
- Adding Humor to Lachlan I couldn’t help but overhear that you wanted to add some humour to your wonderful publication. Look no more! I, Gabe the advice-giving Beaver am here to help. Perhaps you’ve seen my work in Panther...
- Manifesto A spectre is haunting me — the spectre of myself as I ought to be. All the powers of old have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Gods and kings, old friends...
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A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime. So this guy dies right and he goes…
I like it!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
Depends on what his name is. If you wanted to describe him, you might call him a quadruple amputee.