Tao of Gabe: On Teaching Intelligent Design
Tao of Gabe
Gabe the Conscientious Beaver here to propose a weeklong curriculum in which Intelligent Design would be taught as a critique to evolution. Here we go:
In the beginning, Gabe taught the class. And Gabe said, ‘let yous guys learn that evolution is just a theory– a scientifically derived, testable theory that has withstood the test of time– but a theory nonetheless. Intelligent design is also a theory– albeit in the colloquial sense meaning idea or wild guess– but still a theory.’ And the frantic scribbling of the children’s writing notes let Gabe know that it was a good lesson
On the second day, Gabe discusses how evolution cannot be proven and how it requires as much ‘faith’ as creation. Gabe remarks how nothing outside of a closed system can be ‘proven’ and that, at best, sufficient sound evidence could be provided pointing to the desired conclusion of evolution, but none of this would be proof. Gabe then mentions how scientific theories are formed inductively and tested deductively: an equivalent to religious faith which is taught by others and tested via signs only the tester can interpret. Gabe saw that the children weren’t listening, but writing love notes. And Gabe saw they were mediocre (the love notes, not the children).
And Gabe taught the children about irreducible complexity and how certain things are unfathomable to have formed accidentally through natural selection, mutation, and adaptation. He shows the class his eye and asks them to imagine how any portions of it could be useful without the entirety. The class points out that rods, cones, or pupils could help a creature survive independent of other structures by perceiving light, color, and/or distance. And Gabe asks about the retina, but the class has no idea. And Gabe saw, with his complex eyes, that this was good.
The next day, Gabe explains how Evolution doesn’t account for specified evolution. What made a bombardier beetle evolve to shoot boiling-hot liquid out of its rectum? It must have been an intelligent, boiling-hot liquid connoisseur designer. And Gabe thought this, too, was good.
On the fifth day, Gabe explains the process of Intelligent Design. Five minutes later, he takes questions. He points out how Evolution could be divided into microevolution and macroevolution. Intelligent Design can also be divided into two parts: microevolution and everything-was-put-here-by-God. Gabe thinks that this is just great!
And Gabe teaches alternative theories of Intelligent Design including the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Scientology, and Halfwit Composition. He reckons that this too, is pretty damn good.
And on the seventh day, Gabe gave them recess, and the children laughed and played, completely forgetting everything they had learned. And Gabe saw that they were too young to understand. And Gabe thought that this was for the best.
I was designed to love you, but it’s evolving into hatred,
Gabe D. Beaver
“Remember Kids: Lady Hope says that Darwin recanted on his death bed… yeah, well, so did Jesus.”
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Tao of Gabe Gabe the Conscientious Beaver here to propose a weeklong curriculum in which Intelligent Design would be taught as a critique to evolution. Here we go: In the beginning, Gabe taught the class. And Gabe said, ‘let yous guys learn that evolution is just a theory– a scientifically derived, testable theory that has…
Gabe,
After that article, you might want to lay off the Bush-bashing for a while.
It doesn’t matter if me and you know you’re a gun-loving, cowboy hat-wearing, flag-flying, rootin’ tootin’ Reform party member, some people will take offense.
Hell, I know I do.
I take offense at everything you do.