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A Pixelated Mind

Bastille Day
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The Count of Monte Cristo and the Goblet of Fire

Having just finished the Count of Monte Cristo (rather than study for the GRE), I decided to research the book (rather than study for the GRE). Apparently, even though the book itself is wonderful, I read an updated Victorian translation that left out all of the juicy subplots because they were too ‘unseemly.’

For instance,

  • I had no idea that Danglars’ daughter was a lesbian and ran away with another girl.
  • I also had no idea that Monte Cristo’s servant Bertuccio was the same person who had fenced illegal merchandise to Caderousse and had earlier declared a vendetta on Villefort.
  • I also didn’t know that Bertuccio had saved Villefort and Mm Danglars’ illegitimate son (who later became Bennedetto who later became Andrea de Cavalcanti).
  • … The previous three points taken together add a new layer of creepiness when you realize that Andrea de Cavalcanti was essentially hitting on (and possibly sleeping with) his lesbian half-sister.

Craziness. The Count of Monte Cristo truly was the greatest melodrama before daytime television.

I also had never realized all of the unofficial sequels that sprung up after this book came out. He should have learned from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930) and killed his character off:

  • Alfredo Hogan’s “The Hand of the Dead,” in Portuguese, in which Dantès’s revenge backfires and his life and fortune are forfeit.
  • Jean Charles Du Boys’ “The Countess of Monte Cristo.”
  • Edmund Flagg’s “Edmond Dantes.”
  • Jules Hippolyte Lermina’s “The Son of Monte Cristo.”
  • Paul Mahalin’s “Mademoiselle Monte-Cristo.”
  • Adolf Mützelburg’s “Der Herr der Welt.”

Most of those came out right after the original book, so it’s safe to say they’re very dated and shouldn’t be considered actual sequels anymore. Of course, this only leads to the natural conclusion of writing new and exciting sequels. Here are some of the titles I’ve come up with so far:

  • The Count of Monte Cristo and the Temple of Doom
  • The Count of Monte Cristo goes to Washington
  • The Count of Monte Cristo goes to the bank
  • The Count of Monte Cristo meets Frankenstein
  • The Count of Monte Cristo meets Sherlock Holmes
  • The Count of Monte Cristo meets an emo kid
  • The Count of Monte Cristo in the UFC
  • The Count of Monte Cristo and Nuclear Winter
  • The Count of Monte Cristo is given improper change
  • The Count of Monte Cristo killed my entire family and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt
  • Son of the Count of Monte Cristo
  • Grandson of the Count of Monte Cristo
  • Nephew Twice Removed of the Count of Monte Cristo
  • Who shot the Count of Monte Cristo?

What fun titles can you come up with?

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Having just finished the Count of Monte Cristo (rather than study for the GRE), I decided to research the book (rather than study for the GRE). Apparently, even though the book itself is wonderful, I read an updated Victorian translation that left out all of the juicy subplots because they were too ‘unseemly.’ For instance,…

5 Comments

  1. Sequels tend to undermine the original work sometimes. Did you know Doyle never really considered the Holmes books his serious work, but when he killed Holmes thousands wore black clothing to mourn the detective. Kind of reminds me of this whole Harry Potter deal. It’s interesting to hear about the other sub-plots in Monte Cristo though. That crazy Frenchie Dumas!

  2. One of my all-time favorites and I had no idea! I think the Count had more influence over the birth of Escapism Sci-fi than most people would credit. Sort of what the Marx Brothers were to Bugs Bunny. Since Althea opened the door to trivia, did you know that Bugs Bunny got his name from an upgrade cartoon style sheet? The original bunny (proto-Bugs) was more weasel-like, and a guy with the nickname “Bugs” asked an artist to redesign the critter. The original style sheet was labeled “Bugs’ bunny.”

  5. Breakers,
    I’ve deleted the comment karma and post ratings plug-ins. You’re right: I had too many gadgets. I’ll try to streamline the blog from now on. Sorry, I just got carried away with all the fun stuff I could add.