Mr. Me

Audienceless Lines

I’m the kind of guy who will tell a joke knowing that nobody will ever ‘get’ it. I will stand in front of friends and complete strangers alike and say things that I find amusing, but that no one else will ever enjoy: even if I explain the reason it’s amusing!

For instance, last night, the power went out. All of the clocks reset themselves and I took it upon myself to set them properly. Except, instead of setting them all at the exact same time, I set them all within one hour and ten minutes of each other. Thus, the stove says it is 10:43, but the microwave says it is 11:53 and the other microwave (yes, we have two) prominently displays 9:33.

No one will ever find that amusing. The people who are in a position to notice my little experiment (my roommate and I) will only be inconvenienced by it and not at all amused. In fact, my roommate will probably get mad at me for it and my only defense will be that I thought it would be objectively funny.

One comment

  1. The other day, I started laughing hysterically because my pants were vibrating.

    My pants were vibrating because my phone was vibrating

    My phone was vibrating because someone was calling me, but I didn’t think it was my phone at all – I thought it was my pants. My actual PANTS.

    Or that my stomach was imploding.

    I was actually laughing so hard because I started considering that my stomach might be imploding. “Imploding” is a funny word when used in the same sentence as “stomach.”

    And now, I sit here and laugh, still…

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