Ind e-Pen IX

The Ind e-Pen
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Introduction:
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Everyone has had to deal with “crunch-time” at some point in their lives. Yes, even Shaquile O’Neil. Well, this last week I thought I had it bad. One test, One midterm portfolio, and one Pix Capacitor, all due the same day. Then I ran into this girl who had three midterm tests the same day… plus a pregnancy scare… plus her mother was in the hospital… after trying to kill her father… because she realized he was sleeping with other men on their bed… Well, probably. She just told me about the three tests. Still, the point is that there’s always someone worse. I mean, I have to write e-mails every week, but it could be worse. I mean, I could have to READ them. 🙂

Bowling, bowling, bowling, Monkey!

My neighbor invited me bowling yesterday. I agreed and began bragging about what an excellent bowler I was. I mean, I don’t want to sound conceited, but I did take a semester of bowling and, well, I can break 100 almost every game now… Anyway, my first clue should have been that my neighbor had his own pair of bowling shoes and six bowling balls (yes six). But I totally didn’t clue in on that, saying, “I hope you practice with those bowling balls!” He replied that he hadn’t recently, but he’d make do. I felt like the king of bowling…

We arrived at the bowling alley and everyone was all like, “Hey, Striker!” Which shocked me. I mean, I’d never been there before, how could they have already heard of me? It was even weirder because I’d never been called “Striker” outside of baseball. Hmm…

So we started bowling, and I knocked down eight pins on the first frame. I felt so cool… my neighbor knocked down 8 too, then he picked up the spare. He had some interesting “spinning” action with his ball. It was cool, but too show-offey for me, and I told him that, giving him some pointers on how he should throw the ball. He smiled at me and said, “you’re up.” I replied that his cockamamie attitude wouldn’t get him very far in the world. Then I told him to watch me work my magic– only to knock down one lonesome pin.

He did much better on the second frame… and from frame 3 to frame 9 he had nothing but strikes. He had a strike and a spare on the last frame too. I, on the other hand, had a more respectable total of 91. Not much compared to his 255, but I was barely warming up. And by game two, the ratio was getting better for me. I went all the way up to 120, he came all the way down to 208. By now I had stopped mocking his spinning technique. Apparently it worked for him.

I won’t bother telling you about game three, but I barely halved my total and my neighbor went up to 245… bringing his series (or something) up to 708. It’s safe to say that someone went home crying… Oh, well, nothing they hadn’t seen before, surely. Next time I’ll challenge him at something that I’m good at. Like baseball.

Hypnosisize

I’ve decided to teach myself to hypnotize people. Ordinarily I’d look online, but everything I found required me to buy a book or video or something. I can’t afford that. I can barely afford to go online. I’m just glad it’s my roommate’s computer and internet connection. Anyway, I’ve decided to just experiment with people, try to get them asleep, then start talking to them. That’s what hypnosis is, right?

Unfortunately, everyone I know either takes too long to fall asleep or too little. So I figure if I just conk them on the head hard enough (but not too hard) I could get them under my spell. Really, how hard can it be? I’ve already got a volunteer, too. I’m going to make her think she’s a chicken (so that I can call her ‘chick’ legally). It’s going to be Grrreat! More later (of course it’ll be about something else).

One last thing:

I knew I shouldn’t ask any questions that had no possibility of being answered wrong– Oh, well. Congratulations on being first to answer to my Kansas-residing friend, Dorothy. Err, Tai. Wait. Jess. Yeah, she gets a free Pix Capacitor this fortnight. Oh, and before I forget, next week’s issue is going to be a little late. I have something special lined up– and it’s not sugar piles this time.

Last Week’s Question: Should I be scared or just confused?

Her Answer: -get crackin’ on yer stuff cos there’s no time to be scared or well, maybe confused…

This Week’s Question: What is Jim Carrey’s best movie? There can only be one of two right answers for this. Okay, three if you throw in one of his serious ones.

The Ind e-Pen +++vol+1++BT+9+++ Introduction: =============== Everyone has had to deal with “crunch-time” at some point in their lives. Yes, even Shaquile O’Neil. Well, this last week I thought I had it bad. One test, One midterm portfolio, and one Pix Capacitor, all due the same day. Then I ran into this girl who had…